New definitions
Please tell us any new definitions you may have heard recently for common english words
| Word | Definition |
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| FAG-HAG | Old woman selling cigarettes |
| QUARK | Sound of an upper-class duck |
| MOSLEY | In the manner of a Mose |
| TOURIST | Masturbating with both hands |
| DISPOSITION | Currently sat |
| PUMPKIN | Incest |
| PITH HELMET | Caught short on safari |
| TEA | Yorkshire ecstasy pill |
| DILATE | A Welsh man who's never on time |
| BEATING | Buzzing insect from Jamaica |
| PLATING | Line from the Jamaican "Hamlet" |
| FARTING | Something a long way away from Jamaica |
| PERFECT | An Irish cat who isn't doing too well |
| PURULENT | The cat which I borrowed from you |
| TINTING | Jamaican version of the Tin Man |
| TITAN MINISUB | New on the menu at your local sandwich shop |
| MIDWIFERY | Farting in a way that isn't that loud or particularly smelly |
| TRITE | Opposite of t'left |
| SUPERSEDE | Really excellent bird feed |
| WHITE NOISE | The official soundtrack of GB News |
| ENGINEER | There is a stone circle at this location |
| BEATABLE | Animal abuse |
| PHILANDER | The presenters of "This Morning", if you don't know Holly Willoughby's name |
| CHINESE | What you get if you pray in a pile of tea leaves |
| CAMEMBERT | Something a Frenchman says to encourage a bear |
| PHILANDER | The presenters of "This Morning", if you don't know Holly Willoughby's name |
| BEATABLE | Animal abuse |
| CHINESE | What you get if you pray in a pile of tea leaves |
| ENGINEER | There is a stone circle at this location |
| CAMEMBERT | Something a Frenchman says to encourage a bear |
| TIMING | A priceless vase from Bangkok |
| HYPOTENUSE | A boiling teapot on top of Mount Everest |
| PICKANINNY | The Tory leadership election |
| APPLE CRUMBLE | A fall in mobile phone company stock |
| PLUTOCRACY | Rule by a cartoon dog |
| BRIEFLY | A small wingless insect living in French cheese |
| TUNIC | To masticate Mr. Tesla |
| BRIEFLY | A small wingless insect living in French cheese |
| ORCHESTRAL | Alternatively, a small predatory bird |
| WILLY | Rather like a last testament |
| GROUNDHOG | Powdered pork |
| WIRIER | What's the point of a South American bird? |
| RADISH | Cool, sort of |
| PASTOR | Even more in the past |
| NIGHTCAP | Getting called up to joust internationally |
| STRAIN | 's a locomotive |
| PENITENT | Cheap camping equipment |
| TELEPORT | A place where TVs can set sail from |
| TRANSLATE | Elliot Page hasn't made his appointment |
| IMPLY | Tell fibs about a fairy |
| GEODE | Poetry addressed to a horse |
| PITCH | A South African plot of land |
| STAIRWELL | Someone who's really good at voyeurism |
| ANTIQUE | To scare a female relative |
| BUGGERER | To annoy two women |
| ABOMINATION | Afghanistan |
| DICTAPHONE | Expecting a call from the prime minister |
| WILLY-NILLY | What Lorena Bobbitt did to John |
| KIDNEY | Smash a child in the face with your leg |
| NECKTIE | A Bangkok native who likes a drink |
| BARKING | The longest-running regular at the pub |
| BAG FOR LIFE | Marriage |
| TRANSLOCATION | Where Caitlin Jenner is |
| RIVER | Japanese vital organ |
| PARTISAN | The Weakest Link host likes to celebrate |
| MINSTRELS | The most racially offensive snack food |
| CACTUS | Shat all over us |
| Q-TIP | Advice for standing in line |
| TANK | An Egyptian symbol made in Yorkshire |
| DOMINATION | A country full of consumer protection specialists |
| DOTARD | A stupid female deer |
| TWIT | A quick-minded Yorkshireman |
| MELANCHOLY | Sue Perkins has been replaced by a dog |
| DOG-END | Location of tail |
| EARACHE | Clean up leaves via the Internet |
| DOG-END | Location of tail |
| ROCK BOTTOM | Dwayne Johnson's rear end |
| TWINE | Yorkshire complaint |
| GAY PRIDE | A group of flamboyant lions |
| HOME FRONT | A legitimate business used to hide a house |
| BOOTBLACK | A hate crime involving kicking |
| OFFENSIVE | A boundary made out of strainers |
| DISCOUNT | The number of times you've been in a rap battle |
| HOMOSEXUAL | Marge Simpson |
| STABILITY | The measure of a quality murderer |
| DISAGREEABLE | Argue with cattle |
| SHAMEFUL | Sean Connery wants you to admit you've had enough |
| STERLING | A tiny little whisk of the spoon |
| AMMETER | Roughly three foot three |
| TIDIES | The 15th of the month, in Yorkshire |
| FOOTMAN | A gent with an interesting fetish |
| BLACKOUT | Entering the wrong segregated swimming baths |
| BLACKPOOL | Segregated swimming baths |
| BLACKSMITH | Will or Jaden |
| FIRST DEGREE MURDER | A group of crows that did really well at university |
| TRIP | Tear in a Yorkshireman's trousers |
| EAST HAM | A Chinese pig |
| ANITA HARRIS | Bum wax |
| ABUNDANCE | A bap doing the tango |
| NOSEGAY | Is aware of Louie Spence |
| JIMMY CARR | To break in to a motor vehicle |
| ALAN CARR | An L-shaped, metal motor vehicle |
| BOVINE | Six-second long archery video |
| COCKNEY | The porn star equivalent of tennis elbow |
| MASTURBATION | Perturbation generated during the saying of Mass |
| IRONY | How your mum puts a crease in your trousers |
| GALLANT | girl insect |
| DISARRAY | Chinese directions |
| UNDETERRED | skids marks on panties |
| TRAMP | What a Yorkshireman uses to get off. A boat. |
| PROPAGANDA20 | Spec-Savers |
| CANTALOUPE | Gretna Green wedding prevented |
| PARSIMONY | The funds Dad has allocated for his mobile phone use. |
| LOBSTER | To throw a glance |
| PRO BONO | A keen advocate of the U2 frontman |
| LIGHTHOUSE | Telling fibs in Parliament |
| CHAGRIN | Display of coital merriment |
| PRODUCTION | In favour of the the use of ducts |
| TERSE | A Yorkshire undertakers car |
| RECLINER | A smelly cruise ship |
| REWARD | to be relocated to a hospital corridor |
| WARMAKER | Tyneside shipbuilder |
| PENELOPE | Combined pouch for letters and writing implement |
| TRUMP | Yorkshire and pretty much elsewhere for arse |
| SEDIMENT | He was sincere |
| AUSTRALIA | A cart |
| WHIMSICAL | An impromptu bike ride |
| DICK DASTARDLY | Well known celebrity who is being tipped to be Trump's next press secretary |
| TRUMPETING | The act of broadcasting rants and twaddle via social media |
| INTERROGATE | Gaining access to an enclosed space via a hinged mode of ingress |
| OESTROGEN | The vicars favourite lent time tipple |
| KAMIKAZE | To go to the toilet |
| FARSICAL | a long distance bike ride |
| DOSSIER | More slumlike |
| INTERACTING | The pursuit of amateur dramatics |
| CUDGEL | Might stick together |
| DELIGHT | A luminescent device |
| FISCAL RECTITUDE | Not to be confused with rectal fistitude |
| TRUMPTON | Any village where the idiot is in charge |
| SNAPCHAT | Result of attempting small talk with a pre-menstrual woman |
| TRING | Carried by the t'best t'man for use at Yorkshire weddings |
| TROUBLE | A Yorkshire building site |
| DINGBAT | What Batman's pager does |
| TRUMP | Yorkshire (and pretty much elsewhere) for @rse |
| TRUMPET | Presidential mutt |
| TRELLIS | Relations in Yorkshire |
| CRUMBLE | bread-based bovine |
| TRAIN | Yorkshire Precipitation! |
| TAMPON | A Mountaineering Accessory hammered into Rocks! |
| ISLAM | Not Chicken or Beef! |
| AMERICAN | A Corrupted Dialect of English |
| WARSHIP | A Geordie Verb used when visiting a church |
| BIRMINGHAM SCREWDRIVER | A Hammer! |
| ACCUTE ANGINA | Compliment from a Gynaecologist to a Patient |
| BMW | Black Man's Wheels |
| VULVA | A car that is expensive to Cervix |
| DAILY MAILED | Cockney Rhyming Slang for Brain Dead! |
| SMEGMA | A used Cooker from IKEA bought as a Christmas Present for your mother! |
| KIPPER TIE | A Hot beverage taken with Milk and Sugar in Birmingham! |
| HADRON COLLIDER | The thinking man's Hardon Colander |
| SOGGY BISCUIT | An Adolescent Sexual Practice at Eton College involving Tea and Rich Tea Biscuits! |
| FAGGING | Having a Cigarette in your own home! |
| CELLERY | like a basement |
| LEOTARD | Stupid Lion |
| ISIS | making confermation with your sibling |
| HURRICANE | 6 of the best ... in record time |
| ABUNDANCE | Greggs does strictly |
| EXAM | Afternoon |
| WARSHIP | Conveyor of little fishie. Pending its arrival on a little dishie |
| FUNCTION | Not a fan of Stevie Wonder |
| EXIT | Unemployed programmer |
| TROUBLE | Building debris from Yorkshire. |
| EXALT | Dead Keyboard |
| EXPECT | Dead hen |
| BUMBLE | The Womble that no one likes to talk about |
| CRUSHING DEFEAT | These shoes are a bit tight |
| TRUMP BADGE | New BoyScout badge. Awarded for making an arse of yourself in public. |
| WARPING | Geordie's microwave |
| WARDROBE MALFUNCTION | Celebrity popping out of her skimpy dress, or, for normal women - skirt tucked in knickers |
| HARD | Christian name "Howard" when spoken in Northern Ireland |
| TRITE | To correct a wrongdoing in Yorkshire |
| HUMPREY | It'll cost if you want more though |
| SANDWICH | Without the Yorkshire pagan |
| TIMBUKTU | Brooke-Taylor was also thrown from the horse |
| SORDID | Bruised playmate of Ken Dodd |
| DOOWAP | Working italian |
| CHICKEN SALAD | Your bird's a bloke |
| CANOPY | Makeshift convenience |
| SLOUGH OF DISPOND | Missed Maidenhead destination by a small margin |
| ETON | 2,240 Yorkshire lbs |
| WARTHOGS | Geordie's going out clothes |
| WARLORD | The Duke of Northumberland |
| WARDEN | Geordie's house |
| DEFIBRILATOR | lie detector |
| DEFUNCT | Too old to sport a tank top, flares and an afro |
| TRIDENT | That three point turn was poorly executed |
| MAIDENHEAD | She won't go all the way |
| TWERK | Commuting in Yorkshire |
| TALIBAN | Closed twitten in Yorkshire |
| TORRENT | Not for sale, only temporary accommodation |
| SUSSEX | Identifying gender |
| HABITATION | A whole bunch of nuns |
| EXPAT | dead dog |
| SYCOPHANT | Dumbo is not well |
| TOILET | house availibe to rent in Yorkshire |
| TRITE | Why you get a job for the Yorkshire Post |
| TANGENT | Robert Kilroy Silk |
| TICKLE | Small in Yorkshire |
| TRAINS | What a Yorkshire horse rider pulls on |
| SANCTIMONIOUS | Decended to our whinging session |
| WATERLOO | in case you ever need to and aren't sure where it goes |
| WALRUS | last instruction of Russes driving instructor |
| WHEREWITHAL | Looks like Al misread the map again |
| EXCITE | the new housing estate |
| TART | what you see in yorkshire gallery |
| MAIDENHEAD | NOT Slough |
| HAVANT | How a dyslexic spells "haven't" |
| MICROWAVE | To wave like the Queen |
| DIGESTIBLE | Something the Welsh can have a laugh about e.g. the current England rugby team. |
| a slightly squishy seagull | |
| CUSTODIAN | Professional insulter of amphibians |
| COME WHINE WITH ME | Working title of popular TV show where people make eat a meal for together. |
| METADATA | Thanks for a great day out |
| LINOLEUM | Liam would rather stand up |
| LINO | Rather stand up |
| WISDOM | A clever contraceptive |
| TARANTULAS | Encouraging northern girls to play Millionaire |
| PICCALILLI | Collecting flowers for a funeral |
| KRAKATOA | Broke my foot playing football east of Jarva |
| GUACAMOLE | Like wackamole, but involves dressing up the rodent to feel years younger |
| ARSENIC | Brazilian accident |
| BRONTESAURUS | Prehistoric literary sisters with heamarroids |
| TOMMAHAWK | A vegetable of prey |
| RAQUONTOR | A tennis holiday |
| DUE DILIGENCE | A group of Rabbi's in East Timor |
| DILIGENT | A bloke form East Timor |
| METATAURSELS | Got together at Russel Brands |
| WEED | Just been to the loo |
| PACMAN | Best thing to do before leaving on holiday |
| SOMERSAULT | A condiment to be used only between June and September |
| TOUPEE | Means of buying something |
| TOKAMAK | That which comes after a tickamak |
| LED ZEPPELIN | Aircraft design with the worst known size to weight ratio. |
| PECAN | Small vegetable that just oozes self confidence |
| CAPTAIN | Metal box for putting hats in |
| MACADEMIA | The University of Macclesfield |
| Flash mob stripper | |
| INTERSTELLAR | Likes Ms McCartney's fashion creations |
| CUSTOMIZE | Coloured contact lenses |
| QUAKERLY | Smells of oats |
| NON-COMBATANT | Person who will be voted off Big Brother first |
| WARDING | Geordie's bicycle bell |
| POLYNOMIAL | Result of crossing a garden ornament with a parrot |
| CHAMELEON | Undercover camel |
| VULCANOLOGIST | trekkie |
| BIG EARS | Pre-PC name of Noddy's best friend. Now renamed Acoustically Gifted |
| FOUR BY FOUR | Sixteen |
| ZOMBAT | undead marsupial |
| AMAZEBALLS | A labyrinth in your undies |
| CAMPER VAN | A less butch transit |
| CAMEL CASING | an armoured dromedary |
| PRIVILEGE | Where you place the loo roll in an outside lavvie |
| ETON | 1000lb in Lancashire |
| PRIVILEGE | Where you place the loo roll in an outside lavvie |
| QUARK | A quantum duck |
| the wife of a twit | |
| FROGSPAWN | French 'arty' films |
| COCK A LEEKIE | surprise? |
| INTERVIEW | tourist |
| VLADIMIR PUTIN | Modern cockney rhyming slang for 'put the boot in' |
| EXPAT | Irish emigrant |
| PISTACHIO | A wonky moustache |
| PIE CHART | my diet plan |
| EXHIBIT | Eggs, but only just |
| SNOWMAN | a woman |
| NUBILE | Contents of today's Daily Mail newspaper |
| IDIOM | The state of being an idiot |
| RUETOIYR | Very nice site! |
| UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA | The devil works in mysterious ways... |
| DOLPHIN | Scandanavian blow up sex aid |
| WARTY | Geordie's dinner |
| TURD | Group of Yorkshire cows |
| LURCHER | That dog's a bit tiddly |
| MASS | A term for weight used by Roman Catholics |
| HADRON COLLIDER | Hardon Colander |
| NUNC DIMITUS | A sexual practice of choirboys and priesta |
| PORNOGRAPHY | A medium requiring the use of a Pornograph |
| IMPOTENCE | A feeling of grandeur, as in self-importance |
| HYSTERICS | A female medical procedure |
| SUGAR RAY ROBINSON | A disease of the Pancreas |
| SUGAR DIABETES | A Welsh Boxer |
| DAIHATSU | A car made by Welshmen |
| SCROTUM | A collection vessel for Satsumas |
| MIDDLESEX | Transgender |
| NUN | Occupaion? |
| PAEDOPHILE | A dossier on Saint Peter |
| ETHICS | Dwelling place of an Essex native with a speech impediment |
| EJACULATE | Tardiness of a Northerner |
| PHLEGMATIC | A nasty cough |
| MERCHANT BANKER | Rhyming Slang for Wanker |
| ASBO | Anti Smoke Belching Officer |
| PCSO | Philippines Charity Sweepstakes Office |
| WARTY | Geordies dinner |
| ALEHOUSE | Somewhere for owls to hang out. |
| SELFISH | Fishmonger. |
| TRUNCATE | Well hungry elephant. |
| TAXMAN | Yorkshire tree-feller. |
| PRISM | Lispy Mike Tyson's second home. |
| BRAZILIAN | Placebo making Ian feel better. |
| KNOWLEDGE | Absence of a window sill. |
| IRONY | Containing a lot of ferrous. |
| CUSTARD | Really, really swearing long and loud. |
| ARRIVALS | Mr. Redknapp's unlikely promises. |
| PARALYMPICS | Skydiving regiment's photo-album where only the legs or arms are in the frame. |
| NECESSARY | Scottish exclamation of surprise when noting the hirsute nature of an oversized ancient aquatic reptile. |
| BUSHBABY | Anyone born before 1990. |
| TESTICLE | A very short cricket match. |
| INSERT | A man walks into a bar... |
| IRATE | Freedom fighters on a ceasefire. |
| HAIKU | A group of pot-smokers waiting in line. |
| MASSACHUSETTS | lots of false teeth |
| CASHEW | A nut with a cold |
| PEANUTS | congenital disorder |
| MANIC STREET PREACHERS | The Salvation Army on speed |
| COLDPLAY | Dogging in Aberdeen |
| LOGARITHM | regular toilet habits |
| HOME COOKING | Where many a man thinks his wife is |
| IRRELEVANCE | Event being considered for the 2012 Pensioners olympics. The aim is to construct the longest pointless sentance e.g. I saw Nora the other day and she told me that her daugther in law has a yellow dress...or was it green..anyway the bus driver gave her her change......... Contestants who impart any useful information or make any logical point are disqualified. |
| CATASTROPHIE | Feline bum of the year award |
| ZOMBIE | undead insect |
| FROGMARCH | French demo |
| CHEST FREEZER | Upper garment sported by Geordie women on a night out in January |
| JAMAICA | No, she went of her own accord |
| PORTABLE | To have the ability of drinking vast amounts of fortified wine |
| COUNTRYSIDE | To kill Piers Morgan |
| DISSIDENT | To slag off Arthur Dent in Hitch Hickers Guide to the Galaxy |
| PLATYPUS | To give a cat dreadlocks |
| CROSSCOUNTRY | The Vatican |
| QUISLING | Alan Davies |
| TITTILATE | Jordan hasn't turned up yet |
| PISTACHIO | the opposite of a sober achio |
| THESAURUS | dinosaur with a huge vocabulary |
| BIASED | having two bums |
| SEX | a fun experience |
| FRIENDSHIP | morphological elements |
| EVEREST | Posh forty winks, anyone? |
| CUL-DE-SAC | Poncy and overpriced bag of nutty slack |
| HURRICANE | Fast-growing crop for a sugar rush |
| EMAILING | Ems that have fallen behind the pack |
| UNDERNEATH | Welsh coal mine |
| PASTOR | Fathercare shop |
| BIBLE | What you do at the cattle market |
| ACOLYTE | Jazz clarinet for beginners |
| EPISTLE | online weapon |
| PARABLE | Bovine special forces |
| POLYATOMIC | cross between a nuclear parrot and an Irishman |
| ECONOMIC | a rare phenomenon that occurs when the noise made by an Irishman does not rebound. |
| COMIC | an Irishmans companion |
| PANDEMIC | cross between a panda and an Irishman |
| BUGGER | a spy |
| DUMPER TRUCK | the painful events that take place eight hours after eating a truck |
| POKEMON | Jamaican Proctologist |
| BARBEQUE | Hairdresser's snooker implement |
| COCKFOSTERS | Castlemaine XXXX |
| DAIALYSIS | The study of Welshmen. |
| ENGLISHMAN | Someone so insecure in themselves that they have to constantly belittle the people of their two closest neighbours. |
| GASTROENTERITUS | To walk into a restuarant then promise to keep in touch. |
| ACCESS | A Female Acc |
| URDU | Jobs for Women |
| MOUTARD | A cow with learning difficulties |
| LEOTARD | A large cat with learning difficulties |
| PURRSON | Male kitten |
| A WELSHMAN | A person with an unnatural fondness of sheep... |
| A FRENCHMAN | A person in dire need of some anti-perspirant |
| COCKFOSTERS | Urine with beer-like qualities. |
| SWANNABE | Ugly Duckling |
| 4 WOMEN TO EVERY MAN | Rejected tag line for Saga Holidays commercial |
| PROVERBS | Grammer enthusiast |
| ROCKET SCIENCE | Marginally simpler than the French election system |
| VANISH | a bit like a van |
| CRUFTS | Annual event where thousands of doggie entrants are whittled down to the one who looks most like a feather duster |
| DYSON | Result of crossing a Welshman with a Hoover |
| ENVIRONMENT CONFERENCE | Large meeting in far off place that delegates and government hangers on fly to |
| WARRANT | Any speech by George Galloway |
| DIAL-A-LAMA | Telephone helpline for Dyslexic Bhuddists |
| DIAL A PIAZZA | Italian mobile street landscaping service |
| TONKA | To fart in Yorkshire |
| DIAL A PIZZA | French take away based in Cardiff |
| REMOTE | Redoing the pond bit around your castle. |
| TRIFLE | Yorkshireman's gun. |
| DAIALYSIS | A Welshman with kidney trouble |
| DAIGEST | A Welsh Legionnaire |
| MASCARPONE | Our donkey has been blindfolded |
| DEFAULT | de person who is in de wrong |
| DAICOTOMY | a welshman who is in two minds about something |
| DAIVERSION | The welsh edition |
| DIS-ASSOCIATION | A club or society which a west Indian is no-longer a member of |
| SHAMBOLIC | False male genitalia |
| TOYOTA | Model of a real Ota |
| UNCTION | Missing a junction |
| JUNCTION | Refusal to go to a car boot sale |
| LOCUST | Thought to be the fastest devourer or food until a recent experiment using 6 teenagers and a fridge..... |
| MERKIN | Ocean dwelling mammals of French origin |
| LUCOZADE | Psychiatric help for the only gay in the village. |
| BENENDEN | Mr. Fogle's departure from Castaway |
| HAND JOB | Light manual labour |
| BLOW JOB | Working the bellows for a blacksmith |
| PLATITUDE | Masticated semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal |
| GARDENING | Station in the French town of Ning |
| PRESIDENT | Gift damaged in transit |
| PANTYHOSE | Men in tights |
| DISEMBOWELED | Fish out of water |
| REDOLENT | Fasting again |
| LIBEL | Brummie name tag |
| MOUSTACHE | In a hurry |
| FEATHER | Catholic priest |
| DESCENT | Returned mail |
| MUFTI | A fishy infusion |
| DISCONNECT | To rapidly finish a drink in order to dance |
| VALIDITY | Polish a simple tune |
| PREAMBLE | Preparation for a stroll |
| BOATER | Nasally congested engine |
| SAVIOUR | Donkey's benevolent fund |
| NOOKIE | Having many alcoves |
| FANTASIA | Yorkshire dweller who's fond of the far east |
| LUNATIC | A loft extension in a mental hospital |
| CONVEX | To annoy a criminal |
| CONCAVE | Criminal Hideaway |
| PALINDROME | Camel with two heads and no bum |
| LAMBAST | Offspring of a Welsh farmer |
| DECADENT | The tenth time you crash the car |
| DIURNAL | A very rich welshman |
| LAMPPOST | Fresh meat delivered to your door (more likely mutton with today's deliveries). |
| RECYCLING | Going somewhere on a bike for the second time |
| RUSSIAN ROULETTE | Game played with a pistol - or - polonium 210 and three aeroplanes |
| SEMICONDUCTOR | The new breed of bus drivers that have to take the money too. |
| PEKING DUCK | Bird that cheats at hide and seek |
| CHARMING | what happens when a chinese emperor is cremated |
| ASTEROID | laxative |
| CARGO | When the traffic lights turn green. |
| MANGO | When the man turns green at the pedestrian crossing. |
| BOOGIE | Brummie snot |
| VIRGIN RAIL | Cockney rhyming slang for ...snail |
| WARMING | Geordie's family heirloom |
| WARWICK | Geordie's candle |
| DYNO ROD | Poorly equipped Welsh angler |
| G | Half of a pantomime horse |
| HUMPHFREY | A treasonable act of chairman replacement |
| OYSTER | Chefs instruction to stop the sauce burning. |
| LUREX | Exhibitionist's condom |
| POMPOM | Fluffy tampon |
| PLUTO | Former "Cartoon Dog" who was recently demoted to "Animated Character" in light of the numerous dogs with larger screen roles |
| RINGTONE | How to contact the PM |
| GENETIC ENGINEERING | Science whose aim is mistakenly believed to be the improvement of the human gene pool - in fact the real aim of these scientists is to genetically engineer a willie with intergal buttons that can be used as a TV remote |
| Dustin true.like.foot.play. | |
| INCARNATION | A certain group of people getting into a car |
| KRAKATOA | To stub your foot |
| GROUT | A dog telling you that it's owner isn't in. |
| BAMBOO | Happyslapping for todlers |
| GASTRIC | The act of lighting a ciggy near a boiler with a faulty pilot light. |
| GASKET | Collection of items in a handy bag for a workman with Corgi resgitration. |
| BASKET | Collection of items in a handy bag for a sun worshipper. |
| MARKET | Collection of items in a handy bag for a new mum. |
| SELLOTAPE | Recorded phone call which starts "Congratulations you have won..." |
| ABOMINABLE | Plastic explosive inserted into a male creature of the bovine genus. |
| TESTICULATE | Waving your arms about and talking b*ll&*ks |
| ZOMBLE | Undead womble |
| FJIORD | Norwegian Car |
| GASTARD. | Useful term meaning someone of illegitamate birth. As opposed to someone who cuts you up on ther motorway. |
| SEMI COLON | Has a colostomy bag |
| COMMA | Lenin's mum |
| TRANSPARENT | The Mother or Father of a cross dresser. |
| BUDAPEST | How they handle a heckler at a Jamaican concert |
| FLY PAST | The one you managed to swat.... |
| NEW DEFINITIONS | Latest addition to my - "Things not to do when I'm drunk" list ( judging by my spelling on the last entry...) |
| PARENTS BINGO | Great game to while away those parenting tears - just beofre the birth of your first child create two lists of the things your parents said but you definately won't .e.g You treat this place like a hotel , don't come running to me with two broken legs, That's my electric bill you're running up etc . Now while away the next 18 wears happily ticking them off your list First one to to get 'house' wins a pair of senisble shoes |
| ACROBAT | Implement for hitting birds |
| WOMBAT | Something used to play Wom with |
| FLOWER | One who flows. |
| DINGBAT | Door bell whose ring is oddly outside of the range of human hearing (...often apparantly used by plumbers and meter readers) |
| IGNORANT | Not acknowledging the presenc of an Insect |
| DOGMATIC | Pulled by Huskies |
| SAUCY | Did a double take |
| RINGLET | rent boy |
| DIVINE | Where de grapes come from |
| GASTRONOME | Short chef |
| GESTICULATION | Internationally recognised sign language for "You are a tosser" |
| WHIPPERSNAPPER | Dominatrix with pmt |
| CLAPTRAP | brothel |
| HIERACHY | What Saddam Hussein used to be |
| SHIT | an abreviated vergian of shut it! |
| CONDOM | to trick somebody called Domonic |
| BITCH | a female dog |
| COMPLEX | Condom that's difficult to put on |
| HUNTINGDON | The search for a missing Mafia boss |
| DUREX | Condom used for one last fling with your former spouse |
| MATRIX | Stunts performed between April & June |
| SYMPHONY | Cloned Mobile SIM Card |
| COPULATE | A policeman who misses an appointment |
| BIN LADEN | A refuse receptacle which has met, or exceeded its design capacity |
| PETTY | Like a pet |
| WILLY WARMER | Something to warm your willie on a cold night. lol |
| MACKEMS | a bunch of gay boys |
| SINGAPORE | Unemployed Vocalist |
| TWO SHAGS | Mr Prescott's new nickname |
| MARTYRDOM | Speciality Condom for Massochists |
| TANZANITE | Cockney rhyming slang for a load of....rubbish |
| EURO DISNEY | Geordie euro-sceptic |
| DISASTER | removed her bum |
| DIVINE | Where de grapes come from |
| DINOMITE | the dinosaur might |
| DUBLINER | Voice over artist |
| CONSTABLE | that unpleasant person is now in a state of equilibrium |
| ANITA HARRIS | An operation for piles |
| BISON | Posh sink |
| DIVINE | Where de grapes come from |
| SHAMPOO | Artificial shit |
| DIVINE | Where de grapes come from |
| CONSTABLE | that unpleasant person is now in a state of equilibrium |
| AN OEDOPUS COMPLEX | weak bladder |
| CONSTABLE | that unpleasant person is now in a state of equilibrium |
| STIGMA | the mother of that rather scruffy boy who lives in the dump |
| DIVINE | Where de grapes come from |
| RECTIFICATION | Arse repairs |
| MASCARPONE | Cheesy Mafia gangster |
| DIVINE | Where de grapes come from |
| BIASED | Having two bottoms |
| FOCUS | We are ready for sex |
| BLUNDERBUS | A coach-load of bastards |
| NIGH | At this very moment in Ulster |
| DISCOMMODE | to push a person off the toilet |
| SPECULATE | Tardy optician |
| SHMEEK | Sound made by a Jewish mouse |
| CABBAGE | The length of time spent waiting for a taxi |
| ENCOUNTER | The one between m and o in a very large department store |
| MITIGATE | The door to your imaginary identity |
| PENULTIMATE | The world's finest Biro |
| RUBBERY | Delicious Chinese meal |
| COUNTRY MEMBER | Don't forget this unpleasant person! |
| NUISANCE | A replacement for your old sance |
| PISTON | taken advantage of |
| CASCADE | A charity dedicated to the preservation of real ale |
| EXPECTORANT | A mad tirade which reults in the other person being sprayed with mucus |
| DEBUNK | Fall out of bed |
| PANTALOON | Make an idiot breathless |
| DISARMAMENT | Ma Kalashnikov! |
| PARTICLE | Amuse one's father |
| FUTILE | An almost derelict roof |
| FORNICATE | A sort of beige Cathrine |
| GRAMMAPHONE | Mobile phone desinged for the pensioner's market. If features big writing, a handy clip for your shopping list and a wide choice of ringtones including Jerusalem, Bolero, the National Anthem and Donald Where's your troosers.....and it comes complete with its own packaMac |
| JAMES T KIRK | One of Yorkshire's famous sons - others include Winnie T'Pooh and Rupert T'Bear |
| ORGAN GRINDER | Indulges in one of the more extreme fetishes |
| WARSAW | Geordie's holiday snaps |
| KNEE HIGHS | Crap Geordie drugs |
| BUNGLER | Cake thief |
| PASTA | Suffering from very sticky turds |
| WEEVIL | Small insect - distinguishable by its abilty to wobble but not fall down |
| POLITICIAN | A brilliant lier |
| APPEARANCE | A Member of the Upper House is off on one. |
| WARTORN | It's Geordie's go.. |
| TITILATE | Hungry baby |
| TECHNOLOGY | Complicated stick |
| PROFESSIONAL | In favour of fessionals |
| NEIGHBOUR | Boring Horse |
| LIABILITY | A bullshit measure |
| LEADERSHIP | The boat in front |
| ENVIRONMENTAL | To be jealous of a man called Ron who is a nutter |
| ENGINEERING | A tiny motor used to place spherical objects in ear lobes. |
| DETAILED | Boxer dog |
| ALTERNATIVE | Changing indigenous peoples |
| FORMULAE | Bullshitting on a CV |
| CONSOLIDATED | A prisoner a Jewish man went out with. |
| MESSAGES | The time it takes to create a mess |
| GRAMMATICAL | Making a grandmother laugh |
| UNPREDICTABLE | A female it is impossible to have sex with first |
| ARTICLE | icicle carved by leonardo da vinci |
| FEMINIST | Half a female priest |
| TOULOUSE LAUTREC | A long walk to two french lavatories |
| UNDETERRED | Skid Mark |
| WARMED | Geordie's holiday |
| TUBA | Mutton |
| CELLO | Italian greeting |
| DOUBLE BASS | A pair of fish |
| DAMPER | Curse that noisy cat |
| DEFEAT | Found at the end of scousers legs |
| ANDROIDS | ..also suffers from piles |
| DELIBERATED | Result of getting nicked when on probation |
| WARWORN | Geordie's laundry |
| TEAR-JERKER | Sad wanker |
| TAURINE | Easily peeled bull |
| SUBSOIL | A dangerously wet fart |
| PARSNIP | What your Dad has when he doesn't want any more kids |
| PALINDROME | Michael's favourite camel |
| DELUGED | David Jason in a skin tight, full length body condom |
| DELTOIDS | Curiously strong Trotters |
| LOGARITHM | Lumberjack song |
| DELIVERED | Organ removal after being mugged in Bogota. |
| DALEK | Child abuse |
| DEFINITIONS | Scandinavian discriminition of the audibly challenged |
| BLING BLING | Ringtone a made by a gold plated, chunky phone |
| MORNINGTON | Side effect of a high fibre diet |
| CAMPING GAS | To fart like a big girl's blouse... |
| LEMONADE | PA to the late Hollywood actor |
| MARTYRDOM | the only prophylactic sanctioned by the Catholic church |
| PORTENT | inferior camping gear |
| CUSTODY | curse that creep |
| CABBAGES | How long it takes for your taxi to show up |
| BUTTOCKS | American with a face like a cow's bum |
| MISAPPROPRIATE | The right unmarried woman for the circumstances |
| CUSTUM | Curse that beer belly |
| HYPERDERMIC | Very intellectually challenged Irishman |
| MOSTER | Scary object |
| FLUFF | A pice of dust that has merged to become one biblicaly big pice of "fluff" |
| SILLY | When someone acts like a monkey on steroids |
| PARALLELOGRAM | The stripper at a mathematician's birthday party |
| BINGO | ..the wheelie bin is missing |
| BLOWING HIS OWN TRUMPET | Contortionist's party trick |
| BLUNKET | A form of blind mans bluff, where you try to find a tall-tail to pin the ass on |
| DINGBAT | Batman's doorbell |
| TANGENT | David Dickenson |
| EEE ...IT'S A BIT WARM IN HERE GROMMET. | Latest additon to the Oxford Dictionary of Famous last words |
| MANUFACTURE | Breakaway group from Old Trafford. |
| PENGUIN | Known criminal who Police want to question about the recent fire at Aardman Animations (May be disguised as a chicken) |
| HORS DE COMBAT | French mud wrestlers |
| WARHORSE | Geordie's pony |
| TROLLEY | Having the personality of a troll |
| GOBBET | Spit the alien |
| CONTRADICTION | Against lesbianism |
| LEMONADE | Much needed aid from the citizens of Lemonia |
| HEIRLOOM | Toupee making machine |
| DIVISION | The inability to see breasts size C or smaller. |
| KILT | Murrrder'd! |
| ROLLOCKS | Swear in Chinese |
| MARTYRDOM | Worn by man whose wife came off the pill ....after he refused to consider a vasectomy |
| TURPENTINE | Geordie highwayman |
| BODKIN | Aunt Flo |
| WELCOME | Appropriate response to "I can't hold it back any longer!" |
| MALCONTENT | happy shopper |
| BENIGN | what you are after you've been eight |
| HUE AND CRY | Any Richard Curtis film |
| BUNKUM | Cutting it fine with the withdrawal method |
| RAMBLING | Medallion sheep |
| TURBAN | Yorkshire city dweller |
| INNARDS | Bouncers at a night club entrance |
| SOMNAMBULIST | Someone who phones the emergency services in their sleep |
| SAMSONITE | A Pair Of Scissors |
| SCUD U LIKE | International Arms Dealer |
| WELSH COUNTDOWN | 20 consonants and one vowel please Carol |
| WISHY WASHY | chinese laundry |
| PICTURES | Children's game for two - each player attempts to remove 'items' from the others nose |
| RUBBER PLANT | Lead singer of Chinese Led Zep Tribute band |
| AMBUSH | The nether regions of a sow |
| TECHNO BLUR | Advertising driven belief that gadgets that resemble TV sci fi equipment are better. Eg people who believe that mobile phones are safe providing that they are set to 'stun' |
| UNDERDOG | from logging phrases |
| RUBBER PLANT | The act of placing a condom in a mates pocket with out them knowing. |
| STOOL PIGEON | victim of revenge |
| JARGON | stolen beer |
| TRIPE | A very red & soft yorkshire tomato |
| TOM | The chant of a Yorkshire buddist. |
| TOAST | The yorkshire man that holds a party |
| TILE | The walkway of a Yorkshire church. |
| PORCUPINE | Much missed pig |
| GRANNY BAITING | Family game where younger relatives try to convince granny that she is losing her marbles to avoid watching Songs of Praise. Tactics include swapping first names, speaking only in French and incorporating a willy warmer into her knitting. Winner gets control of the TV remote |
| SELF SATISFIED | Hermaphrodite |
| TWIGLET | Yorkshire toupe rental company |
| WARRANT | Going on and on and on about the futility of armed combat. |
| RAY | my name |
| TESTICULATING | Waving your arms around whilst talking bollocks |
| COCKSURE | Men's deodorant which comes with a 'tick' stencil - useful for perusading women that your willie is sponsored by Nike |
| UNION | Higher educated edible bulbous plant |
| OVER BITE | A single chomp that consumes the entire meal, the plate and the cutlery |
| ARSENIC | Annoying hedgehog |
| GRUESOME | Gardening success |
| NARCOPHILIA | The tendency to fall asleep whilst shagging dead people |
| KINGDOM COME | To climax in a extra large condom |
| CLUB FOOT | The calcaneus; talus; navicular; medial cuneiform; middle cuneiform; lateral cuneiform; cuboid. first metatarsal; second metatarsal; third metatarsal; fourth metatarsal; fifth metatarsal & phalanges covered in a rich milk chocolate. |
| BABE MAGNET | A new device for piglets made from polarised metal trotters |
| CHAV | A short possessive sneeze |
| FREEDOM | Condom obtained from the Family Planning Clinic |
| THE HOODIES | Updated and re-formatted remake of that 70's classic show |
| BIONIC | organic hedgehog |
| CRESCENT | A new perfume. Made from a salad food. |
| MORNINGTON | 907.18474 kilograms, before lunch. |
| SKI SUNDAY | First day of the yoghurt diet |
| MUNDANE | Boring foreigner |
| WATER OTTER | kettle |
| PANCREAS | A cooking pot, filled with most of a scream, perhaps only a whimper? |
| SPLEEN | and not heard |
| LIVER | An undead consonant found between Q and S. |
| KIDNEY | The leg articulation of a goat |
| CELEBRITY ROAD KILL | New TV show - every week one lucky viewer gets to try to run over a D-list celebrity using only their initiative ....and a Challenger tank |
| AMALGAMATION | Convention of dentists |
| POW WOW | Talking dog |
| PORCINE | The bankrupt relative of a rich tangent. |
| BOVINE | Climbing plant that grows nursery rhyme shepherdesses. |
| CAMP | The Cam found between Cam O and Cam Q. |
| MAMMOGRAM | Singing telegram, performed by Al Jolson tribute artist |
| EDICT | Had internet sex |
| PREM | LOVE |
| RHUBARB | Fence to keep kangaroos out |
| INTERCHANGE | Coin collector |
| TRANSLATOR | A post operative sex change person |
| EXTERIOR | A dead, small breed of dog |
| BACTERIA | The back roon in a cafe |
| POWER SHOWER | What you do after 6 pints of lager! |
| HONEY NUT CORN FLAKE | A specialist Pre-op transexual chiropirdist treatment for hard skin on the foot. |
| TENALADY | A drippy female opera singer |
| GINGER | The alcoholic beverage between the Whiskey jar and the Vodka jar |
| DUNE | Retirement home for reformed drug addict |
| WILLY-NILLY | A man with out a penis |
| ARM BAND | Military Music Ensemble |
| CONVERSATION | A talking police dog |
| EXPERTISE | The flirtatious woman that has those same sagging breasts |
| EXPERT | Breasts of older women |
| PRIZE DRAWS | the undies that you'll defo pull in! ;-) |
| BRICK LAYING | Rectangular building material fettish |
| SCENIC | A opportunist burglar |
| LENTIL | A jewish vegan |
| SHAMPOO | When your shit just doesn't make the grade. |
| INTERSECTION | Like a surgical birth procedure, but were the edges of skin or tucked in to form a smaller post baby tum. |
| POPCORN | What the fashionable folk get for wearing ill fitting but stylish shoes |
| HYDROLIC | An ice lolly designed to quench your thirst |
| DURING | Specialist condom, mostly marketed at the gay community |
| EXAMPLE | Post breast reduction op |
| JAB | to hit someone |
| LAMP LIGHT | The act of punching someone gentilly |
| WOOD LOUSE | Cheating husband with a erection |
| BALLOON | Nutter that talks bollocks |
| DISMEMBER | To insult someone's manhood |
| TEE-PEE | A very weak hot beverage |
| DOGMA | A Canine's mother |
| MUCUS | The sound the cat makes when you tread on its tail |
| BASKET | Alien in a fitted boned lingerie |
| LANCET | An alien with a spear |
| REMEMBER | Sewing a eunochs genitals back on |
| RELIEF | What the trees do in the spring |
| RELAX | A second go at curing that constipation |
| SPECTRUM | Liquor filled reading glasses |
| DISCONSOLATE | Playing a record at midnight |
| ASPIC | Those Sharp and shiney toilet paper sheets |
| EXTENSION | The stress is gone. |
| REMOTE | To renew the river outside your castle. |
| ARSENIC | Having sat on a razor blade. |
| SILVER SUFER | A granny at the launderete |
| DENTAL PLAQUE | An award for having decaying teeth |
| GANGRENE | Geordie hair bleaching accident |
| FLABBERGAST | What happens when you sit near a flatulent obese person..phew-eee! |
| PIN-TUCK | cosmestic surgery for sagging knees |
| CURRENT BUNS | Pre-bottom lift Op |
| ORCHID | Scouse sibling |
| CRAPPING | Enthusiastic Beijing audience |
| INCIDENT | pranged spider |
| VISITING | Oldest event in the Pensioners Olympics. One contestant (playing 'at home') visits youger relatives accompanied by a second player known as the 'friend' (playing away). The objective is to appear to 'not want to be any trouble' whilst maximising the actual inconvenience. Points are awarded for heaviest suitcase, most subtly offensive gift (eg air freshener, or a jar of good quality coffee), and for pleasantly critisizing the visitees taste in decor eg "what lovely curtains - we used to have some like that during the blitz". Bonus point are awarded for causing domestic rows and for forcing resident teenagers to introduce them to their 'interesting' friends. |
| FLIPPANT | Variation on tiddleywinks - using small insects |
| THE OXFAM CUP | Annual event in the pensioners sporting calender. Teams of two players play against the clock in an attempt to get charity shop customers to purchase specially planted, patently useless, items eg a device that simultaniously turns margerine into 'cream' and gives you body builder's arm muscles, a knitting pattern for a 1960's Fair Isle tank top, and a BetaMax video tape....etc. The team consists of the 'Coaxer' who extoles their virtues of these pieces of junk and the 'shunter' who concentrates on preventing the shopper from being buying other, items, using psychological warfare eg "It won't fit you dear - it's only a size 16" and "I can't sell you that - It doesn't have the correct ticket". Despite pitiful underfunding and lack of media coverage, the England team are the current cup holders. Hopefully, when our current champions Mavis (93) and Agatha (91) retire we will have sufficient players in their eighties to take on their mantle |
| DOUGHNUT | A Pre-0perative transexual Deer |
| FLAPJACK | The applicator part of a Tampon |
| COWARD | A room in a Bovine Hospital |
| MINGER | Collegue who is constantly whinging and fannying about |
| MENISCUS | Object thrown by woman with PMT |
| FK F | To insult someone in phone text |
| ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY! | Still young enough to be the pope |
| PRIESTHOOD | Vocation that requires you have a penis .... but interestingly also requires you to not use it. |
| DIVERT | Welsh Green Party Candidate |
| WINDOW PANE | That animated paper clip..... |
| GEORGIAN WINDOWS | Early Microsoft product |
| FORTESQUE | Entry line for an 80s disco |
| ASPEN | Used by tabloid journalists... to write out of their arses |
| DIABLO | Useless at oral sex |
| RAM RAIDING | Fleecing male sheep |
| CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE | Likely outcome of french kissing a cat |
| TESTICULAR | Bad tempered fridge |
| RUBBER DUCK | Sex toy for drakes |
| CARROTS | Unlikely to pass its MOT |
| CHESTNUTS | Extreme facelift |
| EPOCHS | Caught from Internet Sex |
| VASELINE | Row of flower arrangements |
| CAUTERISE | Attracted her attention |
| CORSICAN | Confident about his abilities |
| BROUHAHA | Act of revenge involving a mug of tea - made using a teabag that has been deliberately wiped under the toilet rim |
| SILICONE | An Ice cream wafer that acts the fool |
| ATOMIC | An irish male cat |
| ODE | A Senior citizen from Nottingham |
| COSMIC | Irish lettuce appreciator |
| TOTTIE | A yorkshireman's bed warming device |
| GROMMET | Alien's dog |
| PLANET | Organised alien |
| MOTORBIKE | Mobile tart service |
| AROMATIC | Electric powered long bow with autoloader attachment. (Handy for regaining Calais) |
| TURNIPS | What brummies have at the bottom of their trousers |
| TERSE | Driven by Yorkshire funeral director |
| CORSAIR | pubes |
| TRICKLE | A very tiny trick |
| PUNGENT | A man that thinks he's a comedian by twisting the meaning of words |
| SKID ROW | A washing line full of stained undies |
| TABLE | When a Yorkshireman can do something. |
| CODE | Nottingham speak for influensa |
| TARSE | What a yorkshireman sits on |
| TEASE | A cornish hot beverage drink |
| DISTINT | A smelly welshman |
| COPULATE | The police officer that arrives far too late at the scene of a crime |
| PANTALOON | A breathless idiot |
| DUMPY | Eighth dwarf ... who left just before they became famous |
| FORK LIFT TRUCK | Over eater's kitchen gadget |
| FULCRUM | The sheets after breakfast in bed. |
| CUCUMBER | Traffic jam accross a river in Hull. |
| DOER | deer shagger |
| STAIN GLASS WINDOWS | Monitor needs cleaning |
| FRENCH WINDOWS | The reason that PC was so cheap... |
| TRIDENT | Joyrider's three point turn |
| UNDERLING | Beneath the fish |
| COSMOLOGY | Theory that the universe is made of lettuce |
| OATMEAL | Oral sex |
| HAMPTON | A big pig |
| HAMLET | rent-a-pig |
| HAMSTER | Causing distress to pigs |
| STRUMPET | How to get music out of your cat |
| CALORIE FREE | Belief that free food has no calorific value. Also known as Buffet Syndrome |
| OXYMORON | A waste of oxygen |
| DYLAN THOMAS | Soporific Welsh Rabbit |
| HIJKLMNO | Water |
| DESPISE | Liverpool branch of MI6 |
| DEFLUX | Hard of hearing in Yorkshire |
| PISSIMISSED | Achieved wall splash on a toilet that was half empty |
| DOAP CAKE | Cannabis for pensioners -served with a napkin and a nice cup of tea. |
| KINGDOM | Extra large condom |
| BOTOX | A face like a cows bum |
| PUDDING | Result of crossing a turd with a doorbell |
| GEGS | Scrambled eggs |
| BOBFOC | body off baywatchface off crimewatch |
| PUGLY | across between pig and ugly |
| EDIBLE | Internet police officer (head hunted from Topcat's alley) |
| FOUNT | Opposite to lost |
| DINT | Opposite to did |
| SHUNT | Opposite to should |
| CUNT | Opposite to could |
| HULLOO BALLOO | The correct way to address a bear |
| HARDWARE | Leather Jacket and bullet belt |
| FRENCH HORN | Late night Channel 4 movie |
| TINT | Opposite of tis |
| PETROL | Wall paper for the animal companion enthusiast |
| DUREX | A very long lasting pet dog |
| BABY SHOWER | What you get if you don't change a baby boys nappy quick enough |
| BENZENE RING | Gang of chemists |
| DINGO | Car game played in the Australian outback. Contestants shout out eveytime they see something eg Dingo, Roo, tree, Dingo, tree etc .The game ends after several hours when someone shouts House! - indicating that they have now reached their next door neighbour's residence |
| LIPOSUCTION | oral sex |
| STUCK ON YOU | Just one of the many side effects of confusing a Pritt Stick with a lip gloss |
| GOTHIC GOTHIC GOTHIC | Rousing chant of the Custard Makers Association |
| LAST POST FEMINISM | Germaine Greer on Celebrity Big Brother |
| FLYER | What you cook your spring rolls in |
| MARATHON | A race for the mother of an egyptian God |
| EXTENSIVE | The object for fishing small particles of debris from a church font... but with a handle which can be made to be very long |
| PRINTER | A alien that works as a journalist |
| PUNCTURE | Piece of classical music written by an Anachists |
| MASSIVE | The object for fishing small particles of debris from a church font |
| TUNTRA | The noise which always follows lightening in Ireland |
| CHICKEN-TIKKA | Onomatopoeic word referring to a single iteration of the noise a train makes. |
| ISLANDIC | A benefit dependant persons food Cupboard |
| DIABOLICAL | The act of a welshman talking on the telephone to one of his own Testicles |
| DISCO | A welsh supermarket |
| DISSEMBARK | A group of Welsh men that remove the voices from dogs for a living |
| DISSOLVE | A welsh crossword puzzle |
| DIRECTION | A welshman's excited Penis |
| MASTICK | A special glue for attaching flags to Flag Poles |
| FLOSS | A Welsh four legged Animal used for racing/hunting & carrying people on its back |
| FLOOZEY | The 'Flow back' feeling from having sex with a Welshman |
| SCRUMPING | Sexual contact during a Rugby game. |
| BIGAMIST | Fat bird coming through the doors on 'Stars in their eyes' |
| DICTATOR | Male genital that's shaped like a root vegetable |
| TOON ARMY | Group of Geordies responsible for global warming and tidal waves |
| CRAMPON | Very large tampon |
| PARAPHERNALIA | Gift that would be improved by dousing it in paraffin and setting light to it.Candidates include: Any clothing with reindeer on it, music compilations that "are not available in the shops" and anything kitsch that is part of a 'strictly limited edition' |
| DIB DIB DIB | A trio of Welsh boy scouts |
| FORE FATHERS | Rapidly becoming the social norm |
| BLEMISH | Spotty Belgian |
| NIPPON | Tampon with poorly designed applicator |
| EXHIBITIONIST | Flasher in an art gallery |
| TELEPATHY | Watching an entire episode of Eastenders because you can't be bothered to look for the remote control |
| GLOBALISATION | Modern custom of naming children using an Atlas eg India, Georgia, Chad .... and the less popular Turkey, Bangkok and Milton Keynes |
| GUY GAN GUCH GUY GOWN GONTHLS | I can touch my own tonsils |
| KHAKI | What starts your Ford Mondeo |
| DIAPER | Welsh impressionist |
| DIE | Welsh drug dealer |
| WHIPPET | Kinky Alien now living in Yorshire |
| TROT | What happend to Tcompost heap |
| TRAMP | Yorkshire disabled person's adaptation |
| TOGGLE | The act of looking at an atractive female in Yorkshire |
| LIPSTICK | A Tampon |
| MARS | The thing at the bottom of Mback |
| HOT SEAT | The toilet of a Curry house |
| WIND VANE | The act of boasting about your flatulence |
| SYCOPHANT | Pachyderm with a cold |
| MUFFLED | Sporting a chastity belt |
| MULTIBIRD ROAST | Chrismas roast involving mulitple boned birds. A sparrow is stuffed into a starling, pushed in turn into a guinea fowl, which is then inserted into a pheasant. This continues with a duck , a turkey, goose, emporer penguin, emu, ostrich ... and finally Vanessa Phelps |
| DEFENDANTS | Champion the cause of insects |
| GIRAFFE | Wine container with a long neck |
| SOFT SHOE SHUFFLE | Conga line at the old folks home |
| SANITARY TOWEL | Native Owl of Yorkshire, noted for its clean nesting habits. (also known as the Red-breasted Snowy Owl) |
| FLAMBE | Hazard of overrly vigorous Welsh lovemaking |
| CRAGGY | Aged star of Scooby Doo |
| LIEU | French toilet |
| LIEUTENENT | French public toilet attendant |
| COUP | An uprising of chickens |
| TWO IN THE BUSH | Manage a Trois |
| DIAMETER | Welsh exaggerator |
| MONOPOLY | Parrot that doesn't sleep around |
| POLYGAMIST | Parrot who sometimes does it for a lark |
| CRAB STICK | Souvenir from Bangkok |
| DILATE | A welsh man that spent too long with his sheep |
| DIVULGE | Welsh men's genitals |
| WIND VANE | A flatulent make-up artist |
| ADDRESS | You girlfriends wardrobe |
| CABLE | The hairstyle of a welsh man's lover |
| SPROUT | A naive boys group |
| SPEW | The exit line of a theme park ride |
| RADISH | The part of a salad that holds you spellbound |
| DIET | An alien that now lives in Wales |
| TRUMPET | A flatulent alien |
| SPRING ROLL | Annual sex session by couples that stay together for more than 10 years |
| TARKA DAHL | An otter that writes story books for children |
| DRY ROASTED NUTS | A sun bathers genitals |
| SALTED NUTS | A runners genitals |
| TO KEEP ONE'S HAND IN | A practicing Gynecologist |
| BEGGAR YOUR NEIGHBOUR | Shopping them to the DSS |
| POPSICLE | Ruptured scrotum |
| DEFER | Bikini wax |
| STUFF THE TURKEY | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| BLUNKET | Cockney rhyming slang for "flunked it" |
| TRIANGLE | All managment theories are based on a triangle. To create a new managment theory yourself, draw a triangle on a piece of paper. Next write a random word at each corner , eg cheese, wheelbarrow, chair. Now write some twaddle to link these items.Eg "The wheelbarrow shows us carrying our daily workload. To help in this task we get nourshment or 'cheese' in the form of management. But sometimes its important to take time out from this routine, sit on the chair and consider just how we could achieve our goals more effectvily...." etc . Managment books usually devote one chapter of waffle per triangle. |
| THE EMPORER'S NEW CONSULTANTS | Consultants who claim that an organisation can be transformed by using the Consultant's 'System'. Only 'Key Personnel' will be able to see the benefits of the 'System'. Non-team playing employees will just see the mangement being suckered out of wads of cash |
| ANALLY RETENTIVE | Still married to that arsehole |
| MR AND MRS | Another favourite event in the pensioners olympics. The game is played when younger relatives are trying to watch television. Points are scored for distracting viewers by claiming non-existent relationships between the persons on screen eg "That's Barry Cryer - he was married to the Queen Mother". Bonus points for getting someone to take look at their bunions/varicosde veins/urine sample. The game ends when participating pensioners receive a nice cup of tea. |
| A BIRD IN THE BUSH | Thrush |
| PSEUDO-BUSY | Any activity which prevents you from helping your spouse with the housework but which actually achieves nothing. Common pseudo-busy pastimes are are, trying to make a bath whirlpool spin the other way, making sure that all the matches in the box point the same way and removing sheets of toilet roll untill both layers end at the same place. |
| TIME ON YOUR HANDS | Result of a cosmology experiment going badly wrong |
| NUT ROAST | Standing too close to the fire |
| STOCKBROKERS | Bookies - but with nicer furnature and worse odds |
| HUMAN CLONING | Human cloning was performed extensively during the 1970s. Public reaction was tested by using the clones as 'contestants' on the popular show Ask The Family. Suprisingly the public never noticed the uncanny similarity of each family or that each family comprised of a chartered accountant, a housewife and two children called Gerald and Janet. Under threat of exposure by a national newspaper the government swiftly shelved the programme and chief scientist Prof Robert Robinson took early retirement |
| H32 | Pencil grade favoured by IKEA |
| FENG SHUI | Drunk glaswegian talking to his boot |
| TIME SHIFT | The difference between traditional Newtonian time which has fixed units of hours and minutes and Quatum time which can be indefinately compressed to fit between any two fixed points or 'milestones'. Quatum time is favoured by project managers. Workers traditionally use Newtonian time. Hence - Shift Happens. |
| CARET | Alien transport |
| DUPLEX | A pair of condoms |
| LOP EARED | Victim of a short sighted rabbi |
| MINT SAUCE | Welsh aftershave |
| VINDICATOR | Drunk rabbi |
| ONE - NILL!! | Orgasm cry of a Millwall supporter |
| ACCUMULATE | Male sexual partner appreciated by women |
| CHEESE BALLS | Personal hygiene problem |
| FISHMONGER | pimp |
| WOAD | depressed frog |
| AMPHITHEATRE | Place to take depressed frogs to |
| CORSET | An Alien that tells rude jokes |
| RENNET | A cure for indigestion in Aliens |
| CORN MEAL | Dining out at a comedy club |
| READY OATS | A morning erection |
| ANNUS HORRIBILIS? | Latin translation of - Does my bum look big in this? |
| LITTLE BOY BLUE | Famous contortionist |
| HORNET | Aroused alien |
| SHOE HORN | Shoe fettishism |
| HARD FLOORING | A washable alterative to carpet that's a real bugger to install |
| TABLE LAYING | Furniture fetishism |
| A STATUE | A telephone for the hard of hearing |
| SHEPHERD | A Welsh pimp |
| PASTURISE | The act of watching Kelly Holmes in running a race |
| LAMPOONING | A welshman seducing a young sheep |
| SHEEPISH | The scent of a Welsh man after sex |
| DIE BACK | A welsh man returning from his sheep |
| DIE DOWN | A depressed Welshman |
| DIE CAST | The actors in a welsh theater production |
| CELEBATE | A joyous get to gether championing the times that sex is scarce |
| TINY | What a American-Yorksire person calls their backside. |
| STICK | Sound that a sclock makes |
| CAUSTIC | lettuce bomb |
| CLIMBING ROPE | Firmly attaches several climbers together - to stop the sensible ones escaping |
| TRICYCLE | Jake the Peg's bike |
| HOMOGENEOUS | An IQ of Stephen Fry |
| OSTRACIZED | When Bert and Ernie aren't speaking to Big Bird |
| I'M A CELEBRITY, GIVE ME WADS OF CASH FOR WHINGING | Rejected title for popular TV series |
| DIESEL | Welsh Internet auction |
| TART | Found in galleries in Yorkshire |
| FUEL | Smelly petrol |
| DIETION | A welsh eye sight specialist |
| DIATRIBE | A welsh family |
| MINCE MEAT | The genitals of a gay man |
| DRAGEE | An female impersonator enthusiast |
| DRAGSTER | An infant female impersonator |
| ATOMIC | Small particle that craps on your garden with mild indigestion |
| ICE AGE | The period of a relationship following 'the Passion' period |
| VENTRICULE | The external part of a fridge that houses the fan |
| MOLECULAR | Mole's fridge |
| ATOM | Small particle that craps on your garden |
| LUKEWARM | What Matthew, Mark & John asked Jesus when the pilot light blow out |
| LOLLYPOP | A shop-a-holic |
| WOOD STACKER | A prostitute |
| MORSE CODE | A chill caught by detectives on servalance |
| HOB NOB | Common injury affecting tall men - caused by standing too close to the cooker |
| LIMBER | Sound of a wooden leg falling |
| ASP | Donkey with a lisp |
| TRUMP | Flatulent tart |
| ARCHIVE | Place to store old bees |
| ACCUMULATION | Badly stained area of a bedsheet |
| COCKATRICE | premature ejaculation |
| MOLECULE | Mole - wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap |
| PALTRY | small chicken |
| BEGOTTEN | Offspring whose conception you were too drunk to remember |
| MODICUM | moderate orgasm |
| SPOON | Someone that is stupid |
| DANDELION | Strutting big cat |
| SOYA MINCE | Camp vegetarian |
| BESTIALITY | Much nicer than worstiality |
| BEDRAGGLED | Scruffy female impersonator |
| SPRUCE | Like a larch but smarter |
| CARPET | Talk incessantly about aliens |
| THE COUNT | Distinguished academic recently headhunted from Sesame Street to oversee the Florida Voting system |
| DRAGOON GUARDS | A regiment of female impersonaters |
| COQUETTE | flirty potato |
| MASTICATION | Oral sex for one |
| PHILANDERER | Randy stamp collector |
| TENDON SAW | Jogging injury |
| DIURNAL | Found in the Gents toilets in Wales |
| BONFIRE | Overdone cake |
| PUMPKIN | Borrow money from family |
| ASPRIN | Suprisingly - not a suppository |
| ANIMAL HUSBANDRY | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| ANGRIER | Germaine's sister |
| MR WHIPPY | Speciality poo - achieved by moving the hips in a circular manner |
| MONTHLY PAYMENT PLAN | New Blood Donor scheme for women |
| TARTRAZINE | Playboy, Penthouse etc.. |
| CAREERS | Ears resembling wing mirrors |
| NUCLEAR FISSION | Extraction of huge amounts of energy from very small fish |
| SCOFF | Deliberate cough - used to imply that the other party in a conversation is talking rubbish |
| VENACULAR | Sexually transmitted disease that is caught from vampires |
| FIGHTER PLANE | Feisty woodworking tool |
| DUCTILE | Colourful and waterproof wallcovering made from flattened ducks |
| LEGEND | foot |
| POINTED STICK | Seemingly harmless item which, in the wrong hands, becomes a Wepaon of Mass Destruction |
| TONGUE TIED | One of the more obscure forms of sexual bondage |
| HOOVERRATED | Assessment of something supposedly OK but which actually sucks. Eg "that film is so hooverrated" |
| HOOVER HEIGHT | Measurement of how much something sucks e.g. I give your software a hoover height of 9.8 |
| EMPLOYEE EMPOWERMENT | The zenith of management delegation - whereby workers shaft themselves |
| QUANTUM SOCKS | Physists now beleive that many socks form quantum pairs. If the location of one sock becomes known then the other sock immediately converts itself from matter into pure energy |
| DOG EARED | Embarrasing facial disfigurement |
| FEMIDON | Mafia matriarch |
| LAWN TREATMENTS | Weapons of Moss Destruction |
| HERBICIDE | Killing off people who have annoying American names |
| PSEUDO-MASOCHISM | For people who just like to wear leather and chains |
| HUMPHREY | Genetically modified camel |
| COLONIC IRRIGATION | Excessive punctuation: |
| MONOPEDE | A centipede with 99 wooden legs |
| FAWNING | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| SUBMISSIVE | Servile memorandum |
| DEMO MARCHING | New event in the pensioners olympics. Contestants get to simultaniously relive thier youth of the 1960's and bring London to a standstill. Points are awarded for best placard and touching up police officers - actual arrest counts double. |
| MUFFLER | Fur-lined knickers |
| OKEY-DOKEY | Okey-Cokey for Yes Men |
| FLOP | A pair of flipflops - with the left one missing |
| BAMBOOZLE | What you get if you cross bamboo with a woozle |
| SHELLFISH BUSTARDS | Latest movie from Disney in which a young prawn loses both parents in a fishing incident. Fortunately he is rescued and befriended by a flock of large vegetarian birds |
| WANTON | The sort of woman who hangs out in Chinese takeaways |
| THEN MAKE TIME! | The innovative science of Management Consultancy spits in the eye of conventional physics |
| ABERRANT | naked insect |
| UNCONVENTIONAL | 3 nuns on a pub crawl |
| BARSTOOL | Illegitimate item of furniture |
| ABDOMINABLE | Sticky out belly button |
| STAGE FRIGHT | ...and year 6 recorder class will now play their own medley of SPICE Girls tunes..... |
| WINKING | Bad habit. Excessive winking can make you go blind |
| FREE WILLY | Loose fitting Boxer shorts |
| BALL PARK FIGURE | Modern Managment Term: Closest English translation is "Pin the tail on the Donkey" |
| NEO-COSMOLOGY | The latest theory in which the unverse is made from elastic bands and bits of string. This has led some people to postualte that God lounged around for 6 days, put in an All-Nighter on Saturday evening and then spent Sunday recovering |
| CELIBATEY | Any publicity stunt involing a mildly famous person claiming to be a virgin |
| LEAPFROG | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| ON TARGET | American military term which roughly translates to 'right continent' |
| DOSSIER | Homeless document |
| SEXED UP | Indefensible exaggeration(unless of course I had my fingers crossed behind my back at the time..) |
| STRUMPET | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| COME DANCING | Likely to get your barred from the disco |
| STUFF THE TURKEY | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| MAY 4TH | Star Wars day |
| MARS BAR | Good place to socialise with aliens |
| CONSERVATORY | HesletineBerry jam |
| DAMNATION (3) | Another event in the Pensioners Olympics and also known as "Excuse me young man". The aim is to waylay and prevent somone from doing their job. Points are awarded according to the duration of the delay and the job of the victim. The current world record holder is Mrs Olga Bagg who distracted the entire Heathrow Air Traffic Control Team for 43 minutes and 15 seconds. |
| MALLEABLE | Anything that can be hit with a mallet |
| DOG | Dyslexic deity |
| AUSTRALIAN RULES | Antipodean organised orgy. The tradional teams are the Bruces versus the Shielas. In rural areas, however the Shielas may be replaced by the Flossies. |
| ERECTION | Democracy arrives in China |
| MORNINGTON CRESCENT | I'm sorry I haven't a clue |
| WINE RACK | Justified torture for people who compare wine to hollyhocks, summer's days and beeswax |
| EUTHANASIST? | Stop , stop --- I thought you said enthusiast! |
| FORNICATE | Nic and Kate's christmas present |
| JUST A MINUTE | Game of nerves for pensioners, played when a younger relative is taking them out in the car. The aim is to shout "Just a minute ... I think I've forgotten something" as the driver starts to pull away. Each successful delay scores 1 point. Additional points are awarded for reducing the driver to tears or road rage. |
| DAMNATION (2) | Variation on Damnation that is played in Post Office queues between the hours of 12pm and 2pm. Popular strategies include filling out forms at the counter and requesting the last Christmas posting dates for random countries. |
| DAMNATION | Team game played by pensioners. The game is to played in busy shop entrances. Players use themselves, tartan shopping bags on wheels and small dogs to block the doorway. Teams gain points for completely damming up the doorway before someone draws up enough courage to politely ask them to move. |
| CHICKEN LICKEN | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| CALL MY BLUFF | Game played by pensioners and their grandchildren. Pensioners tell long, boring made-up strories about 'the old days' The Grandchildren try to stop them by interupting with statments like "Why do you smell of wee granny?" Last one to fall asleep wins. |
| 3 WAY CONVERSION | Game played by pensioners whenever a sum of money is mentioned. The winner is the first one to convert this amount to a)old money, b)a multiple of a weeks wages in 1949 c)A list of items that could be bought with this amount in 'the old days'. Extra points are awarded for blatant exaggeration |
| UNDERTAKING | Game played by pensioners at funerals. Points are awarded for being first to state the obvious e.g. "He didn't look well", "I guess he had to go sometime" Additional points can be gained by criticising the buffet or starting scandalous rumours about grieving relatives |
| RIGHT OF WAY | Queueing manouvre adopted by pensioners, in which Right of Way is determined by the Eldest First rule |
| THREE POINT TURN | Shopping manouvre adopted by pensioners, involving an emergency stop (with no signalling) followed by two arbitrary turns towards the shelves and immediately followed by a third turn towards the person whose trolley crashed into them. |
| TURKEY BASTING | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| CUSTODY | Lockup for Hundreds and Thousands of people convicted of Trifling offences |
| TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN, SPORT | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| MOUNTAINEERING | Everest trinket |
| POP IDOL | Too idle to get a real job |
| BIG BROTHER | Profitable alternative to Care in the Community |
| RISIBLE | Any substance that can be wrapped in Rizla paper and then smoked |
| DOGGY STYLE | Dog with chic |
| BARBEQUE | Queue for the ladies loo ...after all those Barbicans |
| BARBICAN | What Barbie drinks when she's out with the girls |
| COCK-A-LEEKIE | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| DORMATORY | Dyslexic camel |
| THE GEEKS | ... shall inherit the earth |
| JURASSIC PARK | Driving manovre adopted by pensioners, involving parking a Robin Reliant at exactly 45 degrees to the parking space markings. Often this takes several attempts ... |
| YACHT? | Henley Rhyming slang for.... What? |
| DISNEY DOG | Lazy Geordie dog.ie He disney do oot |
| 5-A-SIDE | Organised orgy in which the offside rule is applied. Foreplay is allowed until the ref blows his whistle |
| WOOLLY JUMPER | See 'UNDERDOG' (Orig. Welsh farming term) |
| SHAMPOO | Piece of plastic designed to resemble a dog turd |
| CATAMORAN | Anyone who believes that their cat talks to them. |
| CATALYST | Frisky, Tiddles, Snowdrop, Ginger, Tom, George...... |
| THE HAMSTER AND SELLOTAPE | Generic term for modern pub names |
| HEAVY PETTING | Area with high population of cats and dogs |
| COMET | Alien orgasm |
| AARDVARK | Dyslexic ardvark |
| ROGER RABBIT | see 'UNDERDOG' |
| CROCHETING | The art of knitting musical notes together |
| PONCHO | Natural fashion disaster which re-occurs evey 30 years |
| CATHOLIC | 69 with Cath |
| SHEEP DIP | Unconventional and possibly illegal sexual practice. See also 'UNDERDOG' |
| BACON ROLL | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| T.W.A.T | The War Against Terrroism |
| MARSUPIAL | Alien with pockets |
| RAMSBOTTOM | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| GARDEN GATE | Watergate for ex-Goodies |
| RUBBER BAND | Boy/Girl band enjoying brief notoriety after being bounced off a TV talent show |
| DUCKING | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| MOUSE TRAP | Innocent looking web link that passes your computer details to the Adware and Spyware guys |
| HORSE PLAY | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| BOUNCY CASTLE | New toursim inititave for Windsor Castle |
| ANIMATE | See 'UNDERDOG' |
| CASTIGATE | Watergate for eunuchs |
| CIRCUMSTANCE | As in...What is your circumstance? Are you for circumcision or against it? |
| BEYONCE | Great singer |
| HELLO | Greeting |
| COPULATION | Number of Police Officers per head of population. An increase in copulation reduces the crime rate. |
| WOO | A combination of animal faeces and urine e.g. Watch out for that pile of cat woo on the kitchen floor |
| MOUSE DROPPINGS | Unwanted web pages that litter your screen after you accidentally clicked a web banner |
| BRASIERRE | French cafe - with an uplifting and supportive atmoshere |
| FRIGIDAIRE | The atmospere during a first date denoting that there will be no invite for coffee later |
| FUNDAMENTALISM | The science of having a good time |
| DICTION | A celibate woman |
| MILES | Lucky man |
| JUSTIN | Unlucky man |
| TINTIN | Very unlucky man |
| EVERGREEN | Relentlessly naive |
| TOWEL | Owl from yorkshire |
| CONDOM | To fleece a mistress |
| INJURY | Late singer with the Blockheads |
| BUGS BUNNY | Something that annoys a rabbit |
| UNDERDOG | Inconventional and possibly illegal sexual position |
| TOILET | Rent-a-loo |
| GATESHEAD | Voted by computer users as the item they'd most like to see stuck on a pole |
| TRANSISTOR | Close relative of a cross-dresser |
| BUDDHIST | Lager worshipper |
| TRANSISTOR | Close relative of a cross-dresser |
| WHEELBARROW | A plot to export Cumbria's only non-quaint town to Lancashire |
| TRANSISTOR | Close relative of a cross-dresser |
| RETARD | A posh pensioner |
| RETARD | Any English person |
| ASS | funny big tree |
| ARCHERY | The Art of Lying through your teeth! |
| MUSEUM | Place to display ancient cats. |
| DOGGER BANK | Hill used for 'Country Matters' in the mass mode. |
| ACCOMMODATION | Getting used to incontinence. |
| DIRECTOR | Church-of-Wales clergyman |
| RESTAURANT | How to deal with your mother's tired sister |
| UNICORN | Someone with one bad foot |
| PAPER FEED | Eating out. |
| BREEZE BLOCK | Windbreak |
| BATHTUB | Clean up Nicholas Soames |
| LOUDSPEAKER | Politician |
| DIDO | Welsh baker |
| CASSETTE | Mommas and Poppas singer after diet |
| CD PLAYER | Down at heel gambler |
| FROGSPAWN | Lowest ranking piece in the amphibian chess set |
| SHINGLE | What is never ordered late Friday evening |
| SQUIGGLY FOGGY EDGES | It's got no definition!! |
| WD-40 | A well-lubricated tribute band. |
| FELINE | Heavy petting phone sex. |
| URETHRA | Addressing legendary soul queen. |
| YELLOW PAGES | Little male servants with jaundice. |
| BEERCAN | Answer to question 'What can make you act like a pillock.' |
| SECONDHAND | What you change to after 99. |
| LINOTYPE | A truthful kind of person. |
| DIAMOND | A worldly Welshman |
| ALBUM | Gangster fallen on hard times. |
| PRESCRIPTION | An actors refusal of a role prior to even reading the part. |
| HIRSUTE | A ladies work attire. |
| GERIATRIC | When someone scores three goals in the Hamburg Veterans League |
| CATASTROPHE | The prize awarded at the feline rear of the year competition. |
| STUPENDOUS | A history of the americas by a man named Stewart. |
| HITTING ROCK BOTTOM | perverse piscine fun |
| ROCK BOTTOM | The back end of a fish |
| WILY | A clever dick |
| TRUMPET | a ladylike breaking of wind |
| TEUTONIC | what you buy the german duo who have agreed to be designated drivers on a big night out. |
| ENEMA | Hostile mother |
| SPHINX | Abbreviation of Sphincters |
| COUNTRYSIDE | The death of Jim Davidson |
| NECTAR | Deposits found in smokers' throats |
| COLGATE | Scandal involving Colin Sell |
| TANGO | Suntan removal cream |
| CLOTHES RAIL. | Protesting garments. |
| UNDERLAY | Missionary position. |
| LINO | Wouldn't dream of not telling the truth. |
| KITCHEN STOOL | Sorry, wrong room. |
| RADIATOR | Glad's husband. |
| PLANT POT. | Ordered to grow Class C. substances. |
| DIARY | Wet Fart |
| GORDIAN KNOT | 3 well-known politicians. Untie that one if you can. |
| O.U.D.S. | An Oxford thespian epidemic. |
| CARPET | Nodding Dog |
| BEDPOST | Early delivery |
| WASHSTAND | Morning ablutions for men. |
| BEDPOST | Early delivery |
| KITCHEN SINK | Washing-up bad-taste ceramics. |
| BOG SEAT | Irish Constituency. |
| FRENCH WINDOWS | Sexed- up software |
| CARPET | Nodding Dog |
| O.U.D.S. | An Oxford thespian epidemic. |
| GORDIAN KNOT | 3 well-known politicians. Untie that one if you can. |
| DIARY | Wet Fart |
| EASY CHAIR | Well-known ageing female singer known for multiple relationships. |
| CD PLAYER | Any number of professional footballers inn sex scandals. |
| SHOEHORN | Get rid of embarrassing erection. |
| BOOKENDS | Last page |
| THESAURUS | Definitive lizard |
| RED DRAGON | A communist transvestite |
| BEATNIK | A call to arms against the BNP leader. |
| NARCOLEPSY | A sleepy Irish informer. |
| BARMOUTH | Vocal censorship. |
| HAIKU | Greeting a portuguese arsehole. |
| HAIKU | Elevated portuguese anus. |
| THESAURUS | Top Dinosaur. |
| INVOICE | Singing well. |
| REMEMBER | Attach severed limbs. |
| REMEMBER | About private part |
| BONSAI | A gallic sadness |
| LOCOMOTIVE | A crazy reason for doing something. |
| TRAIN TIMES | A myth or legend. |
| PWLLHELI | Tow welsh apache. |
| NHS TRUST | An oxymoron |
| CONTROL | A legendary Scandinavian fraudster. |
| PARSNIP | A vasectomy. |
| PARSNIP | A father conducting a circumcision on son. |
| UNDERGROUND | The only place to find Mornington Crescent |
| CATHETER | A very selective cannibal |
| TREACLE GAMBIT | A zigzagging "cross" across two lines (in the Standard Rules 1897) or three lines (in all others excepting the Stark Rules Regional Slunt, where this case has not yet been set a precedent). |
| DIVERGES | A welsh commie defector in the 1950's |
| DIODE | In praise of a welshman. |
| DILATE | Tardy Welshman |
| DILUTE | medieval welsh string player |
| BIKE | A lesbian in two minds |
| HORMONE | An unhappy hooker |
| POSTMARK | Luke |
| POSTMISTRESS | After the affair. |
| INVESTMENTS | A priest ready for action |
| PAWNBROKER | Trader in naughty material. |
| FRECKLE | Hostile french claque. |
| ALLIED | A mendacious gangster. |
| BATHING | A Lamb |
| LOATHING | A snake |
| FAREWELL | A reasonable water supply. |
| FLAMBOYANT | Showy young male insect. |
| FLAGRANT | Extreme nationalism. |
| JUBILANT | A happy insect. |
| EXPENSE | Former currency |
| AFFLUENT | Rich sewage. |
| STAKEHOLDER | Buffy the Vampire-Slayer |
| DIVERSE | A welsh bard |
| DYNASTY (AMERICAN) | A not very pleasant Welshman. |
| SAG ALOO | A pensioners' toilet for the sub-continent |
| DICHOTOMY | A divided welsh family |
| DIRECTORY | A welsh vicar's home |
| INHABIT | One is prepared to enter a nunnery |
| DIOCESE | A welsh irritation of the nasal passages |
| BROWN | A colour defined by 5 chromatic tests of convergence |
| DIEHARD | A welshman milking a cow |
| DIABOLIC | A welshman with only one testicle |
| DIAGNOSTICS | To be uncertain if one is welsh while living in Wales |
| DYING | Welshman at home |
| DICE | A cold welshman |
| DIES | Lots of welshmen |
| DIE | A welshman |
| DIET | An empty welsh larder |
| DIMENSION | A brief reference in the Mid Wales County Times |
| EXTRUDE | A sharp exit through a window on the unexpected arrival of the boyfriend of a norwegian veterinarian |
| INTRUDE | On a promise with a norwegian veterinarian |
| WMD | We Made-up Dossiers (honest) |
| DIVERGES | Both sides of a welsh road |
| DINOSAUR | Blunt welsh DIY equipment |
| DILUTE | The contents of a bank vault in Cardiff |
| DIVERGE | The side of a welsh road |
| DIRE | A hesitation while speaking welsh |
| DIKE | A support for sexed-up dossiers |
| DIAMETER | A Welsh instrument to measure electric current |
| ARCHER | Wife of prisoner FF8282 denying handling of botox and arrows |
| TYMPANIC | A loss of nerves in the Wimbledon quarter finals |