I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue quipped Mrs Trellis

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Late arrivals to the Newtown Ball

Please announce any late arrivals to the Newtown Wales Ball

The late arrival please:

Play Mornington Crescent
Play New Definitions

Late arrivals to the Newtown Ball...

Also at the Pharmacologists ball, Rowena and Roland Fen with their just-born daughter Rose, or as they nicknamed her 'New Ro'

Late to the Pharmacologists Ball, Mr and Mrs Propen and their son Ivor

Please welcome to the Restauranter's Ball Mr and Mrs Trerdee and their daughter May

Welcome to the Weight Watchers Ball Mr and Mrs Jarse and their amply-proportioned son Hugh.

Welcome, to the Welsh Firework Maker?s ball, Mr and Mrs Namite and their fiery son Dai !

Please welcome Ghengiz Kahn and his many wives! Unfortunately his daughter Ruth can't be here this evening...

All the way from Germany, Mr & Mrs Thatdodishescanfeelsoftasyourface, and their son Hans

Please welcome to the tradesmens ball, Mr & Mrs Wallcarpeting and their son Walter.

Please welcome to the STD fundraising event,Mr and Mrs Italwarts and their daughter Jen

Mr & Mrs Meandering and their Politically Motivated Son Gerry!

Would you welcome to the iritable bowl suffers ball mr Ian Patrick freely

Welcome to the STD fundraising event,Mr and Mrs iddya and their son , Clem

Welcome to the undead ball. Mr and Mrs Bee and their daughter Zoe M. Bee

Welcome, from South East Asia, Mr and Mrs Gardens-of-Babylon and their daughter Ahn-Ning

Numbing the extremities, Mr and Mrs Culation, and their evil beknighted son, bad Sir Culation

Mr and Miss Tutakhamun and their mother.

Honorary guests to the museum ball Lady Coficus and her Egyptologist husband

Welcome to the museum ball Mr and Mrs Tefactsfromanotherera and their son Art

A late arrival at the Scottish Ball, Mr & Mrs Strap, and their son, Paddy. Sadly Jock couldn't make it.

Another couple for the funeral directors ball. I see they arrived in separate cars... his and hearse

To the Funeral Directors Ball Mr and Mrs Balm and their daughter, Em.

Another arrival at the transport ball mr and mrs getailbailback and their son hugh

I see the public speaker for the Society of Poor Spellers has arrived. Please welcome Des Lexia

At the World War I memorial ball Mr and Mrs Line and their son ... Siegfried

Another late arrival at the LGBT ball may I present mr and mrs hugandkiss and the son Amanda

Please say this quietly mr and mrs krakin and the pornogapher making son phill

Corretion mr and mrs mckrakin and the son phill

Please welcome to the builders ball mr and Mrs sheadscrewdiver and the son phillip.

Corretion mr and mrs mckrakin and the son phill

Please say this quietly mr and mrs krakin and the pornogapher making son phill

Another late arrival at the LGBT ball may I present mr and mrs hugandkiss and the son Amanda

At the transport ball, Mr and Mrs Leven and their daughter Emma

Please welcome all the way from Sweden to the LGBT ball mr and mrs reindsaregay and the son Olaf

Mr & Mrs Eouszones and their daughter Erin

Mr and mrs farm and their son

Please welcome at the blind town planners ball mr and mrs keynes and their son Milton

At the builders ball mr and mrs wall-caperting and their son Walter

At the sandwich-maker's ball here today we welcome Mr and Mrs Arine, and their daughter Marge.

Yet again at the arms dealers ball. Mr and Mrs Linggun and their daughter Kat Linggun

Another arrival for the Arms Dealers ball. Mr and Mrs Ashnikov and their son Karl

Mr and Mrs Cart and their son Orson.

At the arms dealer's ball. Please welcome Mr and Mrs 9millimetre and their daughter Suzie

Mr and Mrs tickles and their daughter Tess.Tess tickles

At the military ball, Mr and Mrs Byerbeds and their son Stan

Mr & Mrs Finish and their infant son Matt arrived in heavy rain so he was under coat.

Late arrival at the glue makers ball Mr Perglue and his wife Sue

Late arrival at the glue makers ball Mrs Ite and her husband Harold Ite

Mr and Mrs Bates and their son Master Bates

Late arrival at the chef's dinner, Mr and Mrs Sterbs and their son Mick.

At the pugilists ball, please welcome Mr and Mrs Uzami and their son Ewan.

No I have not slept with mrs. trellis but I want to

Please welcome the rivet magnate, Mr. Firmley and his son Preston.

At the Chemist's Ball, please welcome Mr. & Mrs. Tickles and their agricultural daughter Farmer Sue.

But wait! Michael Fitzpatrick, and Patrick Fitzmichael are fighting over a Man Hole!

Yuri is closely followed by a WPC Lezby Avenue, and by PCs Michael Fitzpatrick, and Patrick Fitzmichael

Wait! The police have arrived to control the crowds! - Led by a Russian Detective Yuri, and his parents Mr & Mrs Underarrest!

But Wait! - At the Landlords' Ball and all of the way from Czechoslovakia we have Mr & Mrs Roomtax and their son Bedrich

At the Roman Catholic Ball, as a guest of Father Peter Phile, we have Mr and Mrs Culateconception and their daughter Emma

Eric is followed closely by his partner Virgina L'Discharge

Not forgetting the latest arrival to the Invitro Fertilisation Ball Mr & Mrs Tiledysfunction and their son Eric

Wait! - We have a late arrival from India - Mr & Mrs Decentexposure, and their daughter Indira

Again late arrivals from Russia, to the General Practitioners' Ball - Mr & Mrs Ustreptocochus, and their son Basil, together with Mr & Mrs Usbotulinus, and their son Basil

Again, from the Venerial Disease Ball, Mr & Mrs Ussmegmata and their son Basil

Ken's arm is being held by his local priest Father Peter Phile

And not forgetting the Unfortunate. Today we have Coronation Street Actor Ken Barlow joining us (Known to his friends as) 'Cock Roach'

Strait from Iceland to the Diabetic Ball, Mr & Mrs Letsoflangerhans, and their Scottish daughter Isla

A late arrival from the Alternative News Media - Mr & Mrs Spiracytheory, and their daughter Connie

At the Venerial Disease Ball, Mr & Mrs Midia, and their son Clem

Mr and Mrs Balls together with their son Ed, and lesser-known daughter Ophelia


And as a regulation we must ask "Big Breaths Please" - To which the standard reply is "Yeth and I am only Thixteen!"

Unfortunately the Celebrity Chef cannot be here tonight, as she is sufferring with 'Emma Freuds!'

Mr and Mrs Prout, and their son Russell!

For the Llandudno Pianists' Competition - Mr & Mrs Varney with their sons Reg and Manto!

And at no expense spared, Your entertainment tonight, all the way from Riyadh: Sheikh Rattnroll

And from the last aborted Airborne Strike from the Twin Towers: Squadron Leader Hardleigh-Worthit

And all the way from Eastern Europe: Mr & Mrs Uralreport-Andaccounts, with their daughter Ann

From the Cockney Rhyming Slang Fananciers' Ball we have a legion of Merchant Bankers!

Straight from the Bank of England: Mr & Mrs Tative-Easing and their son Quin

That well known family of Thespians: Mr. and Mrs. Aincall and their son Curt.

mr and mrs Van-rental and their son Hertz

mr and mrs Van-door and their daughter Mini

Struggling to get through the door: Mr. & Mrs. Ockers and their son, Eugene.


Oops, terribly sorry! Please welcome a Miss Federshire and her cat, Wibblekins.

I don't know if Aunt Greschin will allow my arrival in time after today's dinner!

I don't know if Aunt Greschin will allow my arrival in time after today's dinner!

Don't you dare try a Stalingrad over-post, you scallawag.


Not forgetting the Show Jumping Ball, Mr & Mrs Ludorum, and their son Victor

At the Anatomists Ball, Mr & Mrs Talia, and their daughter Jenny

At the Church of England Ball, Mr & Mrs Knowingofanyjustcauseorimpediment and their South American son Henry Juan

Pray Welcome, for an Olympic Reunion, Mr & Mrs Inmy-Whitbred, and their flatulent daughter Fart

From The Philippines, Mr & Mrs Sin, and their son The Cardinal

Again from Ireland, Mr & Mrs O'Key and their son Cory

All the way from Ireland, Mr & Mrs O'Doors and their daughter Patty

mr and mrs pee a pound and their son zebadee

From just up the road in Anglesy, please welcome Mr & Mrs fairpwllgwyngyllgogery chwyrndrobwll llantysiliogogogoch, and their lovely daughter Lana.

Please welcome Mr & Mrs Cooper and their daughter Minnie

Straight from their latest meeting please welcome the neighbourhood-watch organisers Mr & Mrs Norder and their daughter Laura.

Not late this family......please welcome Mr & Mrs Thyme and their son Justin

Please welcome those famed Hertfordshire residents Mr & Mrs Mansworth and their son Rick

All the way from Canada Mr & Mrs Toba and their son Manny

Welcome the great detectives Mr & Mrs Dunnit and son Hugh

Please welcome those famous American meteorologists Mr & Mrs Cloud and their son Storm

Sure to make waves tonight......Mr & Mrs Namee and daughter Sue

Those close friends of David Bowie.......Mr & Mrs Sane and their son Alladin

Herr und Frau Enstine and their son Frank

Make way for the stamp-collectors.......Mr & Mrs Atterly and their son......Phil

Hello to Mr & Mrs Varnish and their son.......Niall

Please welcome Mr & Mrs Lees-Comet and their son......Hal

Well....here come Mr & Mrs Emtell and their son.....Willy

Note that Msr Peter File, has also signed-in Msr Al Terboytonightaftermass

Another guest at the Vatican Ball, Msr Peter File

At the Vatican Ball, Msr Phil Adulation

Oh I see that the Ann and Al-Sex family are being followed by Farouq Mebackwards

At the Arabic Sexual Deviants Ball, Mr & Mrs Al-Sex and their Anglicised daughter An

At the Medical Ball, Dr & Mrs Ticular-Cancer, and their daughter Tess

And of course, what Medical Ball could be without Dr & Mrs Roid and their daughter Emma

At the Irish Urology Ball, Dr & Mrs Turation, and their son Mick

At the Optician's Ball, Mr & Mrs Coma, and their daughter Gloria

From the Former Soviet Union, Mr & Mrs Ingrad, and son Stan

At the Medical Ball, Mr & Mrs Tile-Dysfunction and their son Eric

At the Gynaecologists Ball, Pray Silence, for Mr & Mrs Toris and their daughter Cleo

Make Way, and Pray Silence at the Medical Ball, for Dr & Mrs Regular-Bowelmovements, and their son Ira

At the Police Conference Ball, Mr & Mrs Sbehavingyou, and their daughter Letty

At this year's Police Conference, Mr Socialbehaviourorder, and his Auntie

Especially for the Fat Fighters Ball, Mr & Mrs Bidley-Obese and their son Mo

Again, from Russia, Pray Silence for Dr & Mrs Narytract-Infection, and their son Uri

At the Haemotology Ball in Moscow, Dr & Mrs Transfusion, and their son Vlad

At the Medical Ball, Mr & Mrs Noseandthroat, and their daughter Ena

And from Russia, please welcome Dr & Mrs Ostomey, and their son Ilya

At the Spanish Gastro-Intestinal Ball, Mr & Mrs Tomey and their son Carlos

At the Gastro-Intestinal Ball, Mr & Mrs Latulence, and their son Phil

And looking totally surprised to have discovered the Ball, please welcome Mr & Mrs Dipity and their daughter Sarah

And they are here again! All the way from the Testicular Cancer Conference, Mr & Mrs Balls, and their daughter Ophelia

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: At the Dyslexic Gay Ball, there will be a demonstration on "How to Cook Socks"

At the Welsh Diabetic Boxers' Ball, Mr & Mrs Abetis, and their son Sugar Dai Abetis

At the Diabetic Ball, all the way from the Islets of Langerhans, Mr & Mrs Crine-System, and their son Endo

At the Anatomists Ball, Mr & Mrs Taylia and their daughter Jenny

Please welcome to the Belfast Gay Ball...Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

Straight from Wales's national singing contest Mr F. Actor and his ex...

At the Russian ball Count Ivan Knackeroff, accompanied by his sisterCountess Nora Titzoff.

At the radioactive ball - Mr Sonny Nobyl and his ex-wife Cher

at the medical ballmr and mrs phylactic and their daughter anna

at the landlords ball all the way from Ireland sorry he;s drunk...pissed Archie O'nuts

Mr & Mrs Garcia and their headless son Alfredo

To the 'Strippers Ball:' Mr & Mrs Stitts and their daughter Gloria!

Surgeons Ball: Please welcome the Irish couple Mr and Mrs O'Plasty and their daughter Angie

Accountancy Ball; Please welcome Mr and Mrs Addup and their son Itdont

Mr and Mrs Swollocks and their daughter Betty

Fisherman's ball; Mr and Mrs Bigguns Lately and their son Courtney.....

Also at the jokers ball: Friends of Mr & Mrs Theotherone - Mr & Mrs Bellson and their son Scott.

At the joker's ball: Mr & Mrs Theotherone and their son Paul.

At the cosmologists ball: Please welcome Mr & Mrs Panding-Universe and their illiterate son X

At the Russian Ball: Will you welcome please Mr and Mrs Ingrad, and their son Len

At the Russian Ball: Welcome please Mr and Mrs Stroika and their son Perry

At the Russian Ball: Will you please welcome Mr and Mrs Peace, and their son Warren Peace

A Late Arrival, at the Pakistani Elvis Presley Festival, Amal Shookup!

Please welcome to the Sikh Landscape Gardners' Festival, Mohinder Grass!

To the Fishermen's Ball, Mr and Mrs Bigguns-Lately, and their son Courtney Bigguns-Lately!

We have the Grand Masters of Italian Infertility Surgery, Mr and Mrs Ture-Ejaculation, and thier son Primo Ture-Ejaculation!

Another late arrival to the Medical Ball! - Mr and Mrs Cardial-Infarction and their Daughter Mya Cardial-Infarction!

This late arrival to the Motor Show! Mr and Mrs Bishi-Gallant, and their Daughter Mitzie! Closely followed by Mr and Mrs Civic and their daughter Wanda Civic!

Again, more Late Arrivals from Russia, Mr and Mrs Narytract-Infection and thier son Uri!

From down under, please welcome to the Medical Ball, Mr and Mrs Freud, and and their Daughter Emma Freud!

O course from the Heart of Town, Mr and Mrs Bolism, and their Daughter Emma Bolism, with hard on their heels, Mr and Mrs Ary, and their Son Corin

Not forgetting, the last guest to arrive at the Medical Ball, Mr and Mrs Cillin, and their Daughter Penny Cillin!

To the Medical Ball, all the way from the GU Clinic, Mr and Mrs Lus-Smegmata, and theirs son, Basil Lus-Smegmata!

To the Medical Ball, Mr and Mrs Oscopy, and their son Ed Oscopy!

To the Welsh Medical Ball, all the way from the Ilets of Langerhans, Mr and Mrs Abetic-Coma, and their son Dai Abetic-Coma!

To the Scottish Jewish Ball, Mr and Mrs Ilionelblue, and their son Rab Ilionelblue!

To the Catholic Ball, Cardinal Sin, Bishop Crozier, and Archbishop Mick Arios. Closely followed, from Sweden by Mr and Mrs Rights, and their Son, Lars Rights!

To the Medical Ball, Mr and Mrs Frontal-Labotomy, and their daughter Pru!

To the Medical Ball, Mr and Mrs Sthetic, and their daughter, Anna Sthetic!

To the Snooker Players' Ball, Mr and Mrs Ardcue, and their son Billy Ardcue; closely followed by the Soviet Snooker Champion 'Inoff The Red!'

Mr and Mrs Key, and their asinine son Don

Mr and Mrs Gerr, and their wildcat son Ty

Mr and Mrs Cough, and their masterbating son Jack

Mr and Mrs Ware, and their observant daughter Bea

Mr and Mrs Knott, and their doubting daughter Shirley

Late for the bellringers ball, it's Mr & Mrs Penology and their student son "Cam".

Mr & Mrs Decker and their half-caste adopted daughter "Black Anne"

Out of the bushes emerges the sexually exhausted Mrs Drun and her husband Den.

And here they are, Mr und Mrs Bennetticantbelievehowbadenglandplayedintheworldcupand their son Gordon Late for the criminals ball - mr. and mrs. Snee and their swedish nephew - Lars snee

Please welcome Mr and Mrs Dermonium and their chaotic daughter ...Pam

From the Old Movies Appreciation Society.... Please welcome Mr Hudson and his pet pebble

There is a man at the door with a bill-Oh no. Its just a Duck with a hat on.

And here comes Billy Sastard

Mr and Mrs Saintsgomarchingin, and their daughter Wendy

Please welcome the Lord and Lady Mess with their two sons Walter and Utter

Lord and Lady Janus, and their Son Sir Hugh.

Mr and Mrs O'Doors and their daughter Patty

...and his niece ...Mary Hinge

Good Heavens it's Dr. Spooners two aunts Nellie Smickers and Betty Swallocks

Your support please for that unfortunate former lion-tamer Claude Bawls

May I introduce....Mr and Mrs tidisestablishmentarianism and their daughter Anne!

It's cabaret time ...Please welcome once again the Dyslexic Barbershop Quartet who'll be singing the UltraVox hit... Vienetta

Famous for inventing children's puzzle books... Doctor Dot

From Yorkshire: please welcome Mr and Mrs Eckerslyke and their son Willie.

Mr and Mrs Wallcarpeting and their son Walter

mrs huckam and her sex mad husband alf.

From the Scottish tourist board please welcome Don Fermline, Glen Eagles and Ben Nevis

Another couple arriving directly from their Civil Partnership ceremony, this time from Ireland, the perfectly matched William Fitz Patrick and Patrick Fitz William.

any late arrivals to the Newtown Wales Ball

A big welcome please for Mr and Mrs Mifathers and their son Orlando..

From Cape Town where they are no longer welcome, Mr and Mrs De Scrimination and their bigot of a daughter, Rachel.....

And will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs D'Ofour and their broadcaster son Ray. . .

Representing our local retailers we have Mark's son Spencer ...and I think I can see Ike here

Author of the book entitled "The Inevitable" - Sue Nora Later

From France Monsieur Jaucque Alors and his mother Mere d'Alors

A warm welcome, please, for mr. Force and his son Ten

Please welcome a Scottish couple arriving directly from their Civil Partnership ceremony, Ben Doon and Phil McCavity.

Please welcome a Scottish couple arriving directly from their Civil Partnership ceremony, Ben Doon and Phil McCavity.

Representing our local inventors society ... Pat Pending and his girlfriend Ina Vation

She never has a boyfriend in the winter...please welcome I.C Buttocks

Followed by Mr and Mrs GeddofTheTurkey ....and their dog ...Rover

Well Christmas looms and here are the first of our festive guests. Sadly it's that tedious couple Mr and Mrs Bells

Please welcome Herr Enbergsuncertaintyprinciple, and his son, Hais!

A warm welcome to Mr and Mrs Hammer and their over sexed son Ballpain

exuse me this is absolutley sick what you are doing to this poor ostrich!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!from a very angry Mrs Hope! from cottage lane west! euse em while i go kill the pig in the back garden now!!

Recently barred from our local OAPs centre....Yootha Nasia

Just got back from visiting the park with the kids .... Rowan PushTheSwings and his parner Carrie TheDuckBread

From the Thunderbirds Appreciation society. Please welcome Mr Nation and his super brother Mario

Old enough to remember when they made their own fun, it's the Kerr family from the Isle of Man - and here's the head of the family, Juan!

Please would you extend a warm welcome to Sr and Sra Zonarsz and their pretentious son, Juppis

From the physics institute, Mr and Mrs Motion, with their deeply tanned son, Brown Ian.

Once again please put your hands together for the Dyslexic Barbershop Quartet who will be singing the Tom Jones numbr....My Delia

Who's that I see coming - is it John Thomas ... or Gaz M. ?

Please welcome our resident percussionists ... Cass Tinets, Si Lophone and Tam Bourine

Please welcome our local steeple jack ...Ed ForHeights

Mr and Mrs Draws and thier son Chester

A man with two sets of genitals .. Mr TheOtherOne and his wife ....Paula

Mr and Mrs Curtain amd their daughter - Annette

A leading industrialist in the manufacture of personal hygiene products, Mr Roland E Odorant

The ludo champion Rolf OrASix ..accompainied by the monopoly winner ...May Fair

A couple of tall guys....Al Ps and Ben Nevis .. Oh and his partner Ann Dees

We weren't sure whether he would come ... Please welcome ...Willie Wontee

From the society of nit pickers... Dot Stheis plus Andy CrossesTheTs

Mr & Mrs Tupp with their car safey expert daughter, Belle.

From our local condom packaging factory, Mr and Mrs Carefully and their son ....Pierce

Mr And Mrs Theengine and their son Ivor the engine

The deep fried poultry enthusiast, Chris P. Duck

From the Bring Back Corporal Punshment Group...Ben Dover and Rula Acrossthebackofthehand

The police dog trainer, Mr Al Sation.

Take a look at Michela Hunt... before his 'opperation' he was known as Mike.

From our local gospel church .....let me hear you say Halle Lujah

also bringing religion to the masses ... Lettice Prey,

Bringing religion to the masses ..... Harry Krishna, Chris Tian and Bud Hist

Don't stand too close ...it's Halle Tosis

Please welcome Right Said Fred who will be performing their tribute to Tony Blair..... I'm too sexed up for my shirt, too sexed up for my.....

From the Old Testament Society Jen Esis..Sadly Lee Viticus is was omitted from the invites in error ....which was Due t'er Ron 'n me

From Chelsea, Mr and Mrs Ford Bridge and their son, Stan

Followed by Mr & Mrs Zona Cardinals and their son, Harry

Welcome from the USA...Mr & Mrs Ston Texans and their son, Hugh

Alway happy to help out, it's Len Dersirhand

Also from the Adage Society... Theo LdOnesAreTheBest

The twitcher, Mr. P. Gin

The famous hatchet man...Issac People

From Lancashire, Mrs Hasshatonthemat and her husband.... Oedipus

From the Adage Society ... Theresa Crowd

firemans ball

Round & oval chocolate appreication soceity representitive E. stirregg

Who's this limping in - Oh its Lou SeatsCanDropUnexpectedly

It's those dodgy solicitors.. Ade AnAccidentInTheLeastThreeYears and his partner Sue TheCouncil

Butros- Butros Gali's musical swedish cousin Sven

Contributers to the US version of "101 failed chat up lines" , Mr YaComeHereOffen and his wife Dee

From the Tom Jones Fan club, It's Nat Unusual

More contributers of "101 failed chat up lines", please welcome Mrs WinksAndShagsLikeTiger and her husband ...Walt

That stunt performing couple, Mr Cingwithdeath and his wife ...Di

From outside a shopping mall near you - Lee Flet and his wife....Pam

Contributers to the bestseller "101 failed chat up lines", Mrs YouLikeYourEggsIntheMorning and her husband ..Howard

Please welcoms the aging millionaire Mr Kedorgasm and his beautiful young wife ... Faye

Once again please give it up for the Dyslexic Barbershop Quartet who will be singing ...Show me the way to arm a dildo

Representing the German-Geordie Alliance ... Herr OfTheDog

From the World Wildlife Fund .... Ellie Fant and Ryan O'cerous

Here - incognito....Sue Donym

Can somebody kindly eject that notorious gatecrasher ... Rex Theplace

Here in Australia at the Fruiterers' Ball we have Mr and Mrs It and their English grandmother Pommy Gran It

Please welcome Perce Pirant ...and his mum's smelly sister

Please welcome the Kiniwax twins

From the mispronouncing Shakespeare group .. Al AsPoorRoderick

Representing the Navy's weightwatchers group - Captain Stbehind and his daughter... Ava

Mr and Mrs tisement and their errant son ..Chas

Ms Jolie & Mr Goodfellow & their hyphened surnamed party girl daughter, Theresa

PC Norder and his daughter Laura

Mr O'Dourant and his smelly daughter .. Dee

Please welcome Mr and Mrs Idlegit and their lethargic son ... Justin

Be warned of the non vegetarian; Mr. Able's brother Cane

I think that this ballroom has developed an echo!

Mr. Livard & his cowering daughter, Lily.

Mr. Livard & his cowering daughter, Lily.

Mr. Livard & his cowering daughter, Lily.

Mr. Livard & his cowering daughter, Lily.

Mr & Mrs Deofurr & their talkative but everso playful son, Raymond

Mr & Mrs Yass & their exceptionally clever daughter, Jeanie

From the Lop sided ladies support group, here's Eileen Tuoneside

Dr Juggs, The breast augmentation specialist, & his brother, Hugh

Back from her trip to Delhi, Having recovered from her tummy upset, meet Flo Wright-Through

Indroducing the squeeky clean yet transparent Mr & Mrs Doecleener and their daugter, Win

Here's the Over-indulgence body clarifaction expert, Dee Tocks

It's Mrs. Jarce, the Weight Watchers Slimmer of the year with her son, Hugh

Mr. Livard & his cowering daughter, Lily.

From the High fibre eaters group, Florence Terr, but you can call her Flo!

Also from the STD clinic, Mrs Ydia and her husband ...Clem

From the STD clinic. Please welcome Mr Italwarts and his wife ... Jen

From the office party , Flo Tocopyyerbum, Chris O'Gram and Des KRomp

Yet more undertakers, Mrs Atorium and her husband .. Clem

Mr O'Rhea ..oh no ..he's gone

An angry crowd of Pro-Fox Hunting protestors - It's Twelve Lords a Leaping

.....Closely followed by the CollyBirds twins and the FrenchHens triplets

Please welcome Miss TridgeInAPearTree ...and her dad

They get everywhere! Here's Mr Bichair and his brother ...Pugh

Represetning the Cracker factory ...its Noel VetyKeyring, Ann CientJoke and ...oh 'tis you Hat

Please welcome our Miss Terri Guest

Sadly, Sooty is suffering from burns and is too ill to attend - Apparently he was mistaken for an oven glove.

Ladies and gentlemen, an announcement. Apparantly Elf Iss is alive and well and working at the North pole.

Also getting into the Christmas spirit. Johnny Walker, Gordon & Toni C. and Hal Fabitter.

Just arrived from the office party. Its...Eve Up and Oliver Thecarpet

From Holland, Rhud Dolf accompanied by his girlfriend Donna Nd'Blitzen

...& Bing Gowe

...& Ro Lowver

...& jack Pott

Here is the weekly prize draw winner, Lotty Weah

Not forgeting Miss. L. Toe

& just in from the top of the christmas tree in Liverpool, it's the one & only Fairy Crossda- Mersey

Please welcome Nat Ivity

Also here for Christmas, it's Colin Sell and his brother ...Tin

Please welcome the first of our Christams guests. From Newcastle ... Howay Ian Amanger

Who's that raising a stink - Oh it's the Flatulance Awareness Society

Your appreciation once again for the Dyslexics association Barbershop Quartet who will be singing .. All my vole

Oh no - it's Ivor InvitedMyMotherOverForChristmas and Shiela BeingStayingTillNewYear

Just reaching the floor... Wayne Scotting

From the Gravediggers association, Mr and Mrs Feetunder ... and their sextuplets

From the German National cold research facility... Gus Undheit

The 1980's waist-bag inventors, Mr & Mrs Pak & their daughter, Fanny

Designer of easy care shirts, Polly Esther Cotton

Can Dee Myse kindly leave & take her 'the end of the world is nigh' sign with her

President of the 'Stop embalming now' group, it's Mr D. Kaye

From the Car sickness awareness group, Yvonne Yolapp

Mr Chips & Mr Fish cannot make the event as they have been asaulted

& from the echo appreciation society, here's Joseph Joseph, Willam Williams, Thomas Thomas & Simon Simons

From the American Handbags journal, Mr, Bach-Back

Another undertaker Mr Aver... who's a bit of a cad

..And his wife whose name I've forgotten -it's either Jane ......or Topsy

From Undertakers Weekly.. Mr D. Ceased

The Childless man, Mr. D. Seed

Mr D'Ayter the pumber & his son Raymond

Star of the porn movie Tradesman's Entrance meet... Red Herring

The Psychologist and his wife, Mr & Mrs Plott & their screwed-up daughter Lucinda.

The Jewish bridge builder, Manny Rivers-Tucros

The Jewish bridge builder, Manny Rivers-Tucros

Mr & Mrs Roider-Rawe & their Daughter, Emma

From the 'when plastic trampolining goes wrong' support group, please meet R. soverdit

From the Beef by-product soceity, please meet Sue Attpuden

Fellow Adult film star, Don Kerr

Adult fim star Rodger Tillet-Hirts

Mr & Mrs Tupreah & the newly ordained son Neil

The porn barons,Mr Rodger, Mr Long & Mr Hard.

Mr. Messencis & his Gigolo son, Rodger.

The contortionist, Ben Dover-Baukwoods.

From the same Ann Summer's party, here is Lacey P. Aulbe-Rah

Also from the Ann Summers Party. With her leg out of plaster and so no longer needing her crutch ....its Ms Nickers

Just arriving from an Ann Summers Party, it's Miss Brator and her mum ... Vi

Also trembling in their boots Mr GeddinOutOfHere and his wife... Alma

Mr. Livard & his cowering daughter, Lily.

The female parent of the foul mouthed Rapper, M.C. Forker.

The writer of the hit song, 'Yellow River'... Introducing, I. P. Daley.

Mr. &. Mrs. Neeson-Bomsadaysea, & their German Nephew, Hans.

Mr. Christmas & his daughter, Mary.

Mr. & Mrs. Roll, & their son, Lou.

Just been to the visit Mr. Bach & his wife, Helen.

Representing the Stutterers Association - Mr Ann and his wife.... Bar..Bar..Bar..Bar...Bar...Barbera

Ah the cabararet are here. Please welcome the Dyslexics Association Barbershop quartet. Who will be singing - There is Nothing Like an Edam

Police Constable Sallthisthen and her husband ...Walt

Police Constable Ningall and his wife ...Eve

Representing the fruit trade, Mr and Mrs Melon and their son......Walter

Hello Ian.... who's wearing a festive ghoul costume

Nymph O'Maniac and her husband....Thor

Lady Cumcision .. and her husband

Another guest at the bar, Mary ... who tells me that she is menstruating

From the magic circle, Mrs Tofhand and her husband ...Sly

Alsp propping up the bar, little Miss AndLime and her much bigger relative

Another revolutionary... Red Tsetung .. and his mum

A revolutionary - fighting for civil rights for fruit... Che Guava

Representing the cheese industry, Miss Mesan and her dad

Not often seem in public...he's Wayne King himself

And his friend Mr KMineADouble and his wife.. May

Propping up the bar Mr HaveALargeOne and his wife .. Isla

Playing for the cameras, Mr LityTV and his wife .. Rhea

Looking radiant tonight, Mrs Nobyl and her daughter ... Cher

Mr ans Mrs GotALovelyBunchOfCoconuts and their son... Ivor

Mr and Mrs RedRedRobin and their daughter ... Wendy

Who's that caught in the polo shaped spotlights? Oh, its Mrs Ron ....and her husband

A man who's feeling glad all over... Gladys's boyfriend

The Dog twins carrying some toy bricks ... the Dog's blocks

Knocking back a double entendre, its...Ewer Missus

Mr and Mrs Hedgehog and their son Nic

Mr and Mrs SAnotherDay and their scarlett daughter ... Tamara

They say his bark's worse than his bite , lets hope so... Ray Bees

Due in twenty minutes (or your money back) Mr and Mrs Lapizza and their son ..Dai

Mr Hes-A-Jolly-Good-Fellow and his wife ... Thora

Mr and Mrs Be-coming-Round-The-Mountains and their daughter... Shiela

Newtown Powys's own football commenatator ... Andy Scores

Representing the construction industry, Mr Dersbum and his brother... Bill

Mr and Mrs Friends-Be-There and their their teenage daughter ..Wilma

Our local barber... Sean

Keer hums the foonerism spamily

From the famous Irish lumberjack family, the Fellers twins and their brother Terry

....Quickly followed by Bob Pididiot and his brother, Stu

It must be closing time because here comes Nobby Head and his brother ......Richard

From the shire, Mr Bobaggins and his son ..Bill

Mr and Mrs All-The-People-Living-For-Today and their daughter.... Imogen

Lookinga little tired... the Nightly twins

Just arrived from the FA, Eric and his lad....Sven-Goren

Never a frown with Gordon Brown

The belles of the ball, Goldie Locks and her sister...Bo

Here is the Maitre De Monsieur YouLikeThatSir and your waiter... Howard

Hamming it up, Mr Ornotobe and his actor son... Toby

Oops, my watch is fast. Apologies for the Premature 'Eee Jack - You're late' -tion

A man who just thrown in the towel after 20 years of being a dictator.... Mr Soddit Hussain

Just coming, Mr Agra and his wife ....Vi

Representing the Circus community, Mr Cycle and his wife....Eunice

Lets give a hand to Mister Bates and his son

I'm pained to announce , Sue Kism and her mum

Eee Jack - You're late

Representing the octagenarians football team ....Gerry Hatrick

Mrs O'Stomybag and her husband...Col

From a galaxy far, far away, Mrs Vader and her husband....Garth

Ms Atio and her brother ... Phil

Mr Adams and his sweet daughter ...Fanny

Representing the Swedish Mounties, Mr I'm-Calling-You and his brother... Sven

Pray be upstanding for Lady Tional-Anthem and her husband ......Nat

Also looking flushed... Mr Letts and his wife Lil

Looking a little flushed....Mrs Pon and her husband Tam

From the Scottish Highland, Mrs Er and her husband Terry

Mr Horea and his sister, (who hasn't been well) .....Di

Mr Lingus and his sister Connie

Mr and Mrs Together-Now and their son.... Al

Mrs Keyrides and her son ....Don

Mr Kerr with his sons ...Pugh and Wayne

Mrs Royds and her daughter Emma

Mr and Mrs My-Dear-I-don't-give-a-damn, and their son ....Frankie

Joining us from Liverpool. Mr Scouse and his sisters two children, Denice and .....dur nephew

From beyond our shores.... Mickey Finn and his brother Adolf

Mr Earth and his daughter Helen

Mr & Mrs O B Luddeyell

Mr Suds and Mrs Lather

Mr and Mrs Vial and their always happy daughter Jo

Mr and Mrs Lument and their wealthy daughter Emma

Peter Disestablishmentarianism, and his mum's sister.


apologies for being late fro laura and her son ashley

like to announce the arrivl of mr and mrs S. T. ORES and there son CHARLIE.

That well-known couple, Mr and mrs Wall-Carpeting and their son.... Eric

don't be late

Hopefully providing a musical interlude later on will be Mr Essence's son, Evan.

An unexpected arrival, Mr Oliver Sudden.

Mumbling under their breathe please welcome at the back new visitors Mr and Mrs Bennet-Where-On-Earth-Are-We and their son Gordon

Mr & Mrs Olsens-ordnance-survey-guide-to-the-waterways .. and thier son Nick..

Mr and Mrs Otherwan and their son Paul T. Otherwan

Mr and Mrs Forcewinds, and their daughter Gail (she's sufferung from wind, so watch out)

Mr and Mrs Sleigh and their winter posrt loving son, Bob.

All the way from Scotland (I thought they'd never get here) will you please give the warmest of welcomes to Mr. and Mrs O'Groats...................................................... with their daughter, Susie

Let's defer to the posh and bend the knee for Baronet Sir Randir and daughter Mai.

Neighbours to the Evan-Jellicles, Mr. and Mrs. Eglwys and their germanic son Kurt.

On dodgy ground, mr. and Mrs Vaynor and their feckless son Heol.

From the Margins, Mr. and Mrs Hafren and their arboreal son Tree.

perhaps the most welcome additions to the night, mother Mai and daughter Fanny.

A media welcome please for Mr. and Mrs. Five-Seven and their conjuror son, the Magic S. Evan

Plesae welcome Mr and Mrs Rotch, and their son Mike Rotch.

A warm welcome to Mr and Mrs Shun and their articulate son Dick.

Apologies for the late arrival of Mr and Mrs Astor and their Hapless son Des.

Please be upstanding for Lord and Lady Gareious and their flamboyant son Greg

We are pleased to announce the arrival of Mr and Mrs Th and their son, Ray. We are pleased to see Ray as since his illness he is a shadow of his former self.

Please welcome the honourable Mr and Mrs Eus and their somewhat ill-tempered son Bill.

For mrs and Mr Ferguson a shiny new girl Attracta

Would you please welcome next the arrival of Mr and Mrs Bennett-Mrs-Trellis-Writes-A-Lot-Of-Letters-To-The-BBC, and their son, Gordon Bennett-Mrs-Trellis-Writes-A-Lot-Of-Letters-To-The-BBC.

Descending from on high Mr and Mrs Bank and their son Bryn

From the world of catering, travel and mental health Mr and Mrs Loco and their stick insect Kathy.

Descending from on high Mr and Mrs Bank and their son Bryn

From the world of street commerce let's include Mr and Mrs Et Al, and their disciple Mark.

From Mrs. Ivy Trellis, Llandinam, a Testimonial:"I love your balls, they're so cleverly presented." Keep it up!

Mr and Mrs Pye and their daughter who's a little sweetie

Quickly followed by Mr & Mrs D O'Maldwyn and their son Ray.

And a late welcome for Mr and Mrs Estate and their large son, Vast Ray

jamie tyrrell will be 2 hours late

A short burst of the Marseillaise please for our Gallic connection, Monsieur et Madame A La Ride and their welsh son Dai.

Here's hoping they've had a change of clothes Mr and Mrs Agefarm and their perfumed daughter Sue.

A bardic welcome please for Mr & Mrs Eistedd-Fod, and their multi-talented daughter Mair-Fod.

Here's a health unto His Majesty King Centre and His regal son the Regent Centre.

And returning with another scion of the family Mr and Mrs Bridge-Street and their basketball-playing son Long Bridge-Street.

Here's hoping they've had a change of clothes Mr and Mrs Agefarm and their perfumed daughter Sue.

And representing the world of culture, Mr & Mrs Ynog-Hall and their graduate son Greg.

Now lets take up the missionary position for Mr & Mrs Street and their methodical son Wesley.

A little bit the worse for wear - Mr & Mrs Diddley and their fine-feathered daughter Hen, and her twisted brother Bo.

Lets thank them for turning up - Mr & Mrs Gloddfa and their bad cheapskate daughter Penny.

And a similarily worshipful welcome for their rivals Mr & Mrs Costal and their literary son Pen T.

Please bend the odd knee or two for Mr and Mrs Gelist-Church and their devout son Evan.

Known as a public amenity, The Rupark family including their feckless son Dole. Can Icheck your ticket, son!

Rubbing the mud from their dress wellies, not so fresh from our rural edges, Mr and Mrs Bechan and their circumsised son Abe. R.

A blast from the distant past, obeisance for Lord and Lady Castle and their twin sons Motte and Bailey.

Get ready the Zimmers for Mr and Mrs Road and their geriatric son Old Kerry

On a more plebeian note let's dig deep for Mr and Mrs Shan and their homely daughter Beth.

And let's make room for the ermine-laden Lord and Lady Teatimes and their son Count Teatimes.

And where would a weaving town be without Mr and Mrs Mills and their aptly named brooding son Dark, Satanic.

Still in discreet mode let us usher in.. whoops they're already in! Mr and Mrs Cabal and their slimline son Low Cal.

Let's whisper this...Mr and Mrs Town-Council and their natural successor Dodd G.

And on an uphill note Mr and Mrs Tree and their huge son the Vast Tree.

Changing direction please welcome Mr and Mrs Forroad and their comely daughter Doll.

And emerging from the same neck of the woods The Toer family and their matriarch Nan Toer.

From a bit further out the Sydail twins and their Portuguese mother Mae Sydail.

And entering discreetly from the south-west, Mr and Mrs Owen and their comic strip son Garth.

Toddling not far behind, Mr and Mrs Bridge-Street and their vertically-challenged son Short Bridge-Street.

And hot on their high heels... Mr and Mrs Wellhouse and their much honoured daughter Lady Wellhouse.

Please put your virgin hands together for Mr and Mrs Bridge and their pseudo-scientologist son.....I Ron Bridge

2003-2056 Mrs Ivy Trellis and in memory of the Chairman, all rights abandoned worldwide